I know I will probably look out my window and see a mob with torches ready to break down my door but who cares. It deeply saddens my heart when I see young women (yes, no b-words here) ride the oh so treacherous rollercoaster of deceit and desire. So many ladies out here say they hate when people are in their business, yet every other Facebook post details a play-by-play of their relationship. They say “I want a love like Jay-Z and Beyonce”, but don’t take the time to put in the work it takes to even attempt to HAVE a strong, lasting relationship. They say “I’m his main chick so all the rest can fall back”, but it doesn’t register that a ‘main chick’ denotes that you will never be the only one. It is utterly sickening to see these women…especially BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMEN …who lower their standards without even knowing it. (cue Rick Ross)
I am not writing this post to bash men; because there are plenty of wonderful, kind hearted guys out in the world; however, some of the “players” and the “lazy bums” only do what they do and act the way they act because women ALLOW them to. [Everyone] plays a part in the problem.
“Ok Joc, what’s the point in this rant?”
I felt like highlighting some of the issues I observe and how I feel they can be conquered (because it IS a form a mental bondage).
ISSUE #1 “Dang, [people] so thirsty…all up in my business!”
This is a statement that I see (more or less) every week on Facebook. To the ladies who are guilty of posting statuses such as this — have you really taken the time to sit down to realize WHY people are in your business? Yes, your FB page is YOUR FB page; but with the way social media is abused these days…nothing is truly yours anymore. Anything you put out is public property. You post at 5:55pm “Oh I love my baby he makes me happy.” And at 9:08pm “Negros ain’t [nothing]. If you want him you can have him honey.” THEN by 10:11pm “When somebody hold you down for so long, they gon come back to you. I’m his queen. #LovinMeAndMine #LoveMyLittleFamily”
WHATTTT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! I may not even know who you are, but I could tell in one day’s worth of FB posts that you let emotions rule your relationship and your man is a cheater. If I was a chickenhead I’d be getting myself ready to swoop down and snatch him up. LADIES you have GOT to stop giving play-by-plays on social media. If you’re having a good day or had a good date night just post “Today was a really good day.” If you’re having problems and you feel like you have to vent, post “Today wasn’t the greatest day but tomorrow is another day. I’ll pull through”.
Don’t give people access to your relationship. That’s how Jay-Z and Beyonce have lasted so long. Shoot they could be scratching eachother’s eyes out every other day, but we wouldn’t know – because they work it out AWAY FROM the public eye. Take note.
ISSUE #2 “He knows I love him. He may be with all these other hoes, but I know I’m the main one who has his heart.”
CHILDREN PLEASE!!!! So many young women SETTLE for less and don’t even realize it. Contrary to societal cues…it IS ok to be single. Being single isn’t a time of extreme loneliness and constant searching. Singleness is a time to grow and learn yourself so that when you do date, you’ll know what you deserve and what you will not put up with. A lot of young women skip the entire learning stage and jump into ‘relations’ with a guy because they subconsciously don’t want to be single. There is no other way to explain it (unless you just flat out don’t care who you end up with.) If you are not married, there is NO reason why you should deal with constant and perpetual cheating. It doesn’t matter if you are a guy’s ‘main chick’!!! In a GOOD relationship, there is ONLY ONE WOMAN. End of story. If you have to worry about your guy giving into other girls vying for his attention – he is not worth your time. Entertaining a cheating boyfriend could open you up to STDS, heartbreak, stress – and a slew of other ‘side effects’. If young women want a good man who will treat them with respect they have got to stop settling. Is it really that important to have someone, even if they do openly cheat on you?
ISSUE #3 “Just got off one full time job and headed to the next, but it’s all for him. I’m gonna hold him down through whatever.”
You are a WOMAN. If you wear the pants all of time, why should your man waste any time putting on HIS? There has to be some accountability. I’m not trying to force a ‘traditionalist way of thinking’ on you; I’m just saying…a woman can be perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but she needs to know that she is not weak (by any means) if she pushes her guy to work. Wouldn’t you prefer that your man walk beside you rather than having to lead and drag him along??? The bible says a man that doesn’t work…doesn’t eat. (2 Thessalonians 3:10). If you are someone who has a live-in boyfriend — you DEFINITELY need a reality check! I personally don’t agree with cohabitation before marriage but if you are currently shacking up and can identify with having to work to pay the bills while your man drives YOUR car, lounging around all day…you need to know that he doesn’t display himself as [quality] husband material. You are selling your beautiful self short. I DO understand special circumstances – if your guy is in school trying to get a degree in order to get a better job, or has lost his job….most times, that is beyond his control. HOWEVER he needs to be picking up the odds and ends and still contribute (and no, a bubble bath and a spaghetti dinner doesn’t count). He needs to be cutting some grass, working at a fast food joint, or washing somebody’s car – if you are breaking your back trying to make a life for yourself, your guy needs to be right beside you or CARRYING YOU working his tail off too!
….I’ll put a pin in this topic for today…but I will be back.