If this had happened to me several years ago, I would be totally and utterly in shambles right now, trying to find the perfect party that would drown all of my “ho hums” away. But now that I have a solid relationship with God through Jesus Christ, I know how I’m feeling is all due to the fact that I’ve allowed life to get the upper hand.
LIFE GET THE UPPER HAND?! HUH?!
For those of you in the blogosphere who don’t personally know me, my life is a big ball of activity. Along with overcoming health issues, I work in the insurance industry, I’m a freelance photographer, I’m the social media coordinator for an entertainment network, and I’m a freelance entertainment/fashion writer. Somewhere in between there I try to squeeze in at least one evening of gym time, and have literally not been on a serious date in almost 3 years! With a life scheduled like that, I think you can clearly understand how my life can get the upper hand if I let it. The only reason I have a handle on it like I do is because of my strong (and ever improving) relationship with Christ. I’m in God’s word faithfully each day and make sure I’m in the house AT LEAST once to twice a week. I used to be one of those teenagers who didn’t understand why people go to church all week long, but now that I am grown, I TOTALLY understand! Sometimes a 2 hour Sunday morning service isn’t enough ‘food’ to get you through the rough week that you call life. I don’t know about you, but I have to (and desire to) be poured into CONSTANTLY with God’s teachings. It’s the only way I can deal with difficult people, keep my head up in discouraging times, and survive by faith when I have yet another doctor’s appointment.
Because I work hard to stay in God’s anointing through church and private devotion, I can feel God’s presence with me everywhere I go. But sometimes (like in these past few months) I’ll allow my schedule to get hectic and I find myself spending less time in God’s word than I did before. My prayers will diminish down to the ones I learned back in Sunday School as a child. I’ll gain weight and catch colds because my stress levels skyrocket and leave me tired, lethargic, and susceptible to germs. I’ll find myself frustrated with the fact that I’m not where I want to be in my professional life. Shoot, I’ll even get discouraged about my current dating life (or lack of one rather) or the fact that I’ve found myself closed off from my friends. Everything in my life seems cloudy and disconnected.
…..then it hits me.
I’m feeling like this because I’ve gotten busy instead of productive. There is a HUGE difference between the two. You can be busy doing a million things and literally accomplish NOTHING. But if you can do just one thing, and do it well….that’s called being productive.
So this past week (even though I’ve slipped up a bit and gotten just plain busy) I’ve been standing as still as possible, working on saying ‘no’ to a lot of things/people, and using the largest bulk of my time chatting with and learning from God. In addition to my morning devotions (I always do this because I want to give God the first part of my day), I have scriptures printed out beside my desk so throughout the day I can read and meditate on them. I’m not answering as many calls or checking my messages after a certain time (apologies folks) – I’m just in a cleansing mode. I’m beginning to return calls one by one, but I’ve made up in my mind (call it being a bad person, friend, or whatever) but there are only a certain amount of hours in the day. When you work 10 hours on one job, get home and juggle 3 more jobs, there is only so much time I can devote to everyday conversations.
I’ve decided that I will devote 1 or 2 personal calls a day, and schedule more face-to-face hangouts with my friends. Eventually I’ll be able to juggle more, but I need to hold that horsy for right now, and just take baby steps.
Call it selfish or pitiful or being a shell of my former self — but my relationship with The Father trumps all.
- An Evening of Release…. (jocsnotebook.wordpress.com)