Today on Facebook my right hand man Rich posed this statement to all of the ladies in FacebookLand:
“I’ll never understand why smart women fall for losers…”
Well my good man, I will tell you why.
Being an intelligent woman myself I can share as to why I ( and some of my book smart sisters) have dated some of the unfavorable characters that we have. To be honest, there are tons of reasons I could give…but we don’t have that much time; so I’ll just list a few.
Reason #1 – We think they’re on our level. Not to sound all high and mighty but it’s the truth! There have been countless times where intelligent and accomplished women have been deceived by ‘sheep in wolf’s clothing’. You know the guy who ‘appears’ to have solid goals, one who ‘appears’ to support your dreams, one who ‘appears’ to be thoughtful, faithful, and loving?? Yeah these type of guys are pretty slick and often times weasel their way into our lives. By the time most of us figure out what’s going on, we’re slacking off at work, almost near broke, and distanced from the people who care about us. Straight up bustas!
REASON #1
Reason #2 – We want to date “out of the box”. Hey, it might sound silly but it’s true in some cases. Being a woman of substance, most of the guys who can carry on intelligent conversations and have their lives together can sometimes seem – lackluster to some women. For lack of better words….boring. I know guys are like “well why in the heck would you pass up someone you KNOW is on the right track for someone who may be an axe murderer in the making?!” The honest answer: they are too predictable. Though I personally don’t feel this way, I’ve had these thoughts before in my college years. On one hand you know you need the stability, but you want to be excited, surprised; and sometimes men who have themselves together are more…organized. (just think if Logan Killicks in Their Eyes Were Watching God) In the end it comes back to bite, but oh what a ride!
REASON #2
Reason #3 – We’ve been hurt so much in the past, we lower our standards. Lord WHERE oh WHERE is a choir when you need it! I have definitely been guilty of this in the past. This is mainly why I’m so excited for ‘Being Mary Jane’ to premiere next month, I can tell just from the first episode that this will clearly illuminate why successful women make bad choices in the romance department. Listen, after dating a few ‘unfavorables’, sometimes a gal is just plum ti’d…not tired but ti’d. You hope to find a suitable mate BEFORE your career takes over your life or try your best to beat your ever ticking biological clock – so you sometimes find yourself scrambling for some man…ANY man who at least resembles the type of man you know you need. Sometimes it’s like “first come first serve” – the first seemingly decent guy that comes your way, you pick that one and hold on for dear life! Sad yet true.
REASON #3
Reason #4 – We’re blinded by the physical appearance. THAT’S IT…I SAID IT…there are plenty of intelligent women who have been mesmerized by the good looking brothers out there. You know they’re bad for you. You know they aren’t worth two pennies; but you’re still with them. Maybe they’re abusive or no good, lazy bums (apologies but it had to be said); but you pray and hope that they’ll change. You can’t help but visualize him on your arm at a networking event, or at your high school reunion, or the presidential inaugural ball. (hey, it can happen **shrugs**) Those visions of naïveté convince you to stay when you really need to be running the other way quickly!
REASON #4
Reason #5 – He looks good on paper so we don’t question his motives. He’s moving up the ladder at his company. He has a secure retirement fund set aside for the future. He adores his sister’s kids and treats them like his own. Oh and his MAMA…if he treats her any less than a queen, he’ll whoop his OWN behind! The guy you’re with is heaven on earth….until you really get to know him. You find out that the only reason he’s moving up in his company so fast is because he’s swindling his colleagues and laundering money. The retirement fund he claims to have is virtually non existent because it’s actually in his dad’s name, but since they have the same name, short circuits the system. He really hates kids, but puts up with them for appearances. And the reason he’s so nice to his mom is because he’s hoping she’ll die off soon and leave him a huge inheritance and her house. A lot of the ‘good guys’ may think, “How can you NOT know these things”, but hey, if you watched ‘Think Like A Man’, the explanation is all in Taraji P. Henson’s character. She thought a CEO, big balling cat was what she needed because on paper, they were a match. But we all know how that ended. (if not, go see the movie!)
REASON #5
Reason #6 – We’ve been told we’re too picky and to let our guard down. I cannot adequately express how ANNOYING it is to be told this! I’ve heard it all from guys and girls! “Oh you think you too good?!”….. “Girl you need to stop being so particular, you gotta give somewhere.”…. “You must want a dude w/a 6 figure salary. That’ ain’t real life”….. or how about this one, “That’s why you single now, stop acting like you got it altogether and relax.” If you are an intelligent or successful lady who’s never heard some variation of these phrases, then you’re not really successful. lol But what do we do after years of hearing this hoopla?? Anyone? Anyone??! EXACTLY…we settle for the apples on the bottom of the tree. We’re tired of convincing people we’re not picky so we just pick SOMEBODY! Most of the time that somebody is a loser. THEN we’ll start hearing about how “we need to do better”. But hey, you can’t call us picky any more.
REASON #6
Reason #7 – Our careers and accomplishments don’t keep us warm at night. What you have to understand is when it comes down to a woman and her future…accomplishments don’t mean jack if it means she’s alone for the rest of her life. Fantasia Barrino is a perfect example. She was one of the most successful winners of American Idol. She had a challenging upbringing but ended up making bank without knowing how to fluently read and with a young daughter to take care of. YET…she ended up hooking up with a guy who was separated from his wife, but at the end of the day still married. You would think “girl, you’ve got all that money and all that fame, what is WRONG with you child?!” – but I know exactly why she felt that way…she was lonely. All of those accomplishments that pushed her towards the top, pushed her out by herself. She probably felt she couldn’t trust guys or even had time to date; so when she walked up in that Verizon store she was sold. She ignored the red flags waving so proudly everywhere because she just wanted SOMEONE to have. I’ve done this once in my life but once I got right with God and realized that dating out of loneliness is relationship suicide…I quickly changed. But there are women who seem to have everything going for them, yet go home and sulk because they don’t have the love that even the hoodrat chicks seem to be able to find. It’s not rational, but it’s the truth.
REASON #7
Though I can go on and on and on – I won’t. My fingers need to get ready to head back to the office and I don’t feel like making you scroll down a never ending post. So guys…know that these aren’t excuses for smart women making stupid decisions in men, but they are reasons.
Let me know how you feel in the comments section!
– Joc
jocsnotebook 
You’re dead on! Thanks for taking my one line status and dedicating an entire blog to it. I think the same can be said for guys too. And as a Christian, it can seem even harder, BUT you just have to play it smart and not let yourself fall victim to the above mentioned things—easier said than done though, right? lol #GreatPost 🙂
Interesting post! You seem like a lady, who may have it together. Why would you say you are single and women like you? Why do men you find to be attractive not seem to appreciate all the things you offer? Do you feel that sometimes women have to inflate themselves in order to feel attractive and constantly brag about their accomplishments and attributes because men just arent interested in them? I find that women. Make a lot of excuses for their singleness, clearly their are intelligent men out there. Im.one of them and only insecure and pathetic women have to rationalize why they are single and speak of their phantom successes.
All of the reasons I posted aren’t my personal experience, but being a single, intelligent woman who spends time around single, intelligent women — I decided to list some of the reasons I’ve heard over the years. Towards the close of my post I was very careful to state that there is no excuse for this rationale, but they are reasons. Men may think it’s stupid, crazy, silly, and irrational; but unfortunately, these are some of the thought processes successful women experience for whatever reason. There are so many intelligent, attractive men – but if a woman gives up on searching or hasn’t been brought up with positive female influences — there’s a good chance she’ll end up with a jerk. I think to call it pathetic is a bit harsh but perhaps feeble would be a better word to use…WHY…because insecurity is a reality for some women and it chips away at their self esteem and self worth and leaves them fragile and frail. Like I said, I’m not chiming in on excuses, just simply listing some of the reasons. My friend wanted to ‘see inside’ a single woman’s mind — so I gave him (and all men) a peek. I appreciate your comment though.
Reblogged this on overthinkersunite.
If you read and follow Jesus’ word (THE BIBLE),you will know who,where,how, when and why! Women are Special !
Many women nowadays are such Losers themselves.
Tired of not being anyone’s priority. Tired of vacationing alone. Hurting with unexplainable pain from no human touch.
Give me a Good old fashioned woman anytime compared to today.
I still arract the same idiiots but now the difference is i see em coming
So i cant be good enough fof better and will always be alone.
Sad but true
Speaking Of Losers which unfortunately a great deal of women are really like this nowadays, especially the ones that are so very stuck up with no personality and manners at all when it comes to many of us good single men really looking for a relationship today.
Being a woman I can honestly say that there are many women who do have “lists” that make it complicated for them to attract nice guys. Hopefully, men and women will do better so we can start seeing more love instead of divorce and heartbreak.
I really like the real good old fashioned women that we once had years ago when most of them i would say were real ladies and very easy to meet at that time. Unfortunately a very different story today since the times have really changed from the past which makes it very sad for many of us single men really looking to have a relationship. Women have definitely changed since then as well which makes love very impossible to find now. Most women now want the rich type of men which they will never go with a man that makes much less money since these women will only want the very best of all and will never settle for less. And to think back in the old days when women didn’t have a choice back then since both men and women were struggling just to make ends meat. So women in those early days had to Accept the men for who they were since that was the way it use to be at that time. This definitely has a lot to do with it since most women have their Careers now and really think they’re all that too, and it is these type of women that really Don’t need a man to survive anymore like they did years ago which even i will admit that. So the times today are quite different for many of us single men that really Don’t care about the money like most women really do today. Most women are now very high maintenance, independent, very selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, and very very money hungry now more than ever which is the real problem altogether since as you can really see that they weren’t like this at all years ago. Very obvious why many of us men are still single today, even as i speak.