Date Based on Your PRIORITIES Not Your PREFERENCES.

If you had the chance to see comedienne/actress Niecy Nash’s appearance on the Arsenio Hall Show, you heard when Arsenio asked Niecy about her matchmaking skills  (and she does have a proven track record folks). When asked what ‘the trick’ was, she said that for her personally, if she was serious about finding a husband, she needed to start dating for her priorities and instead of her preferences. 

One Essence.com contributor published the list he was inspired to write after watching the very same interview. He said that after hearing what Niecy had to say, and taking a glance at her book “It’s Hard to Fight Naked”, he realized that he didn’t know how to separate his priorities from his preferences.  To be honest, a lot of people in their 20s, 30s, and even 40s have no clue which is which either!

What is a priority?

A priority is something we feel is more important than something else.

What is a preference?

A preference is something we simply like (or prefer) more than something else

Personally, I feel tons of relationships that don’t need to happen…happen because [we] as a society have a hard time deciphering the difference between the two. Some of the blame can go towards ‘not being taught better’ or ‘simply not being exposed’; however, the ultimate blame lies with ourselves. With the age of the Internet in full force, it’s super easy to get a hold of scholarly articles and breakdowns that can help you in the love department. BUT whatever the case, from this day forward, Niecy has challenged us all…myself included! I’m in the place where I have a good handle on my priorities and preferences, but to make sure, I actually took the time to make a physical list. Yep, that’s right, yanked out a piece of computer paper, sat right on down and honestly thought about what’s most important to me in a boyfriend/husband.

When I was done, I was successfully able to group all that I like, want, and need in a man into a PRIORITIES list and a PREFERENCES list. Here is the finished result.

JOC’S PRIORITIES :

#1 – Christ driven man of God. // #2 Faithful, loving, & caring towards me & his family. // #3 Intelligent, schooled, & responsible. // #4 Humorous, thoughtful, & creative

JOC’S PREFERENCES:

#1 Attractive // #2 Tall ( > or = me in heels) // #3 College grad // #4 Career savvy // #5 Artsy

There are not many items in my preferences because even before I understood what preferences were (aka types), I always approached dating with an open mind. Now that I’m older and wiser however, I know that there are things you SHOULD NEVER stand for ( ie/ men who are emotionally unavailable, laziness, men who cheat & steal to get ahead) — but all in all, what I desire is pretty simple. I also want to point out that I know I can fulfill everything on my PRIORITY list — that’s vital. I can’t expect someone to be and do all of these things if I can’t do them myself, so I make sure I can fulfill MY OWN list! 

What’s on your list?! Transparency is the word for today!

-Joc

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Filed under Joc's Observations, Quotes To Live By, Society and Such

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