This morning I came across an article that brings up a discussion that is rampant in the church community – well pretty much everywhere! It’s the title of “bro”. (DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!)
Can a girl that calls you “bro” or “brother” eventually become your lover?
This is somewhat off my last question. I’ve had many girls reference me as “bro” or “brother” but I never liked that title. I’m only your brother in Christ, not in real life. And most of these women that call “bro” are drop dead gorgeous. So what does this mean? Am I being called “bro” so women will think of “incest” when we speak sexually so it gives them an “eww” feeling based on what I’m labeled? Or is it not that bad. Is it actually, like, me being bro gives me special privileges? I don’t know. Help people.
I couldn’t WAIT to see the responses both men and women posted below! This is what I found:
It “Happens… ” -But it’s nothing I would count On. 😦 Those girls see you as a Close “Friend…” If that’s NOT what You’re “looking for”, then just enjoy Their Friendship- & KEEP “looking”… 🙂
I have a couple of guy friends that are so close to me I call them brothers…I’m currently dating one of them :] He’s dropped his “brother” status…
There were many more responses following these two, but they really didn’t address BIY’s question. I thought for a few moments on how I would have responded to his question if I was involved in that thread chat.…
Many ladies use the terms “bro” to either (A) Mask their real feelings in fear of rejection or use it due to not knowing how the other person feels. (B) Let the other person know that they’re not attracted to them and that there is no chance of them getting together or (C) Convey that they genuinely look at the other person as a brother or as someone whom they love in a sibling or cousin-ly way.(yes I said cousin-ly)
At some point in my life I’ve used the term “bro” in each of these contexts, but now that I’m in my mid twenties, I use it sparingly.
FACTS (according to Joc)
#1 I am not one who calls EVERY guy I meet “bro”. WHY? If I’m just meeting or hanging out with you, I don’t know you. I don’t think ANY term of endearment should be used loosely unless you have a genuine friendship with that person.
#2 I am careful when calling a guy “bro” because I may want to eventually date him. I’ve been involved in friendships where a guy is honestly and truthfully a brotherly friend; but then one day I looked at them and I said to myself “hmm” or “what if”. I know that using “bro” can jumble signals, so I try to do my part as a woman in being clear.
#3 Most of the guys I call “brother” are very attractive, but due to the nature of our friendship, we don’t allow ourselves to go past “that line”. It’s healthy to have friends of the opposite sex who you can bounce ideas off of and spend quality time with WITHOUT the pressure of dating. I know that they will always be up front with me and IF a day comes where they wake up and say “hmm” our friendship would be one where they could speak their mind, no sweat.
#4 Many of the guys I call “bro” are guys that I’m not attracted to romantically or are married (and I want to show that I respect their relationship). Being honest, there are some guys who I’m just not attracted to; and want to be up front about it. It’s SO important to be clear if you’re not interested in someone’s company beyond a platonic relationship. Not to say you need to be blunt and mean spirited about it – but make sure you don’t use terms and lingo that could suggest there is a chance at something more.
A) Pay close attention to her body language. I don’t care HOW a woman goes on in words – she speaks through her body language. If she calls you “bro”, but is always sitting in your lap, or kissing on your cheek, or slapping your butt, or WHATEVER, the door is open. She may be looking at you as just a friend with her eyes, but the more time you spend together, the more she’ll see you as more with her heart. It may take years, it may take weeks – but feel confident in knowing that you won’t be risking too much by telling her how you feel.
B) Listen to her conversation. If she talks to you ALL THE TIME about her dating problems, then you’re in the “bro” category bro. lol You should either continue to enjoy the friendship, but if you don’t think you can be around her without being more – float on, float on – because she’s just your friend. **EXCEPTION – if she vents to you about guys some of the time then that’s totally normal and you can’t go off of that. It just means she values your opinion when it comes to opening her eyes to the type of guy she needs. But if EVERY conversation you have is about men and you feel like you’re her maid of honor or something…yep, hang it up**
C) Ask her. You may get the answer you were hoping for. You may not. Either way there will be a great deal of clarity in your relationship moving forward. You will know if your “bro-ship” is heading towards a “boo-ship” or if you are viewed as just a friend.
Happy Enlightenment! – Joc