So a college friend of mine, Javon Starnes, is getting married to his lovely fiance this weekend and I must say that I’m excited from afar! I slightly feel like one of those stalkers — but I know I’m not. haha
A little background, Javon was actually one of the coolest people I met back freshman year…and the strongest. He lived with his mom who passed away like a couple of months after school got started and was ultimately left to do everything on his own. He had aunts and family members to help him through, but with God’s help, he learned to adopt an independence that most of us couldn’t dream of at the age of 18. Since then we have both grown in our love for photography, but most importantly, our love for Christ.
Which leads to the topic of this post.
After some time he announced that he proposed to the young woman he’d been dating for a year or so and the photos from the proposal were just beautiful. He’d finally found the woman of God that he’d been praying for and undoubtedly a one that his mother would be proud to have as a daughter-in-law. A few weeks ago, Von’s finance started a countdown with facts about their relationship — he chimed in. Each post he made inspired and encouraged me in my singleness. I’m going to keep it real, I didn’t always get to read them in depth and on time because I’m always working, or scheduling something, but I finally got to catch up today. Here’s what he’s put…..
10 Days left ..
So I’ll play this 1 fact per day games too .. lol I’ll probably get sidetracked the closer it gets, but for now none the less … Boom!
A long time ago I prayed for God to show me my wife, a short while later I had a dream, but could not see the face. The figure I saw was Nelle D ‘ s height and complexion. She had a ponytail and was holding a baby in a dimly lit hallway. During the relationship stated below, I remember talking to my cousin Loleitha and she specifically asked me about the dream and compared it to the female I was dating. I was speechless because what I saw didn’t match and the person I was with. Once Nelle and I had been dating for a while and were already working our way to marriage, I remembered that dream. I also remember going to her parent’s house and seeing her in almost the exact setting as the dream.. Kinda freaked me out lol.
9 Days Left until the wedding!!!
Fact number 9 about Nelle D & I’s relationship.
Lanelle is a tough little chic. This one time at [band camp] the Spring Lake walmart, it was dark and I was returning the grocery cart in the parking lot and Lanelle thought this crack head was rolling up on me so she almost jumped out the car to fight her, lmbo!! Then like a month later, once again at night I was pumping gas and this thug drove by at an attempt to size me up.. we had a brief stare down [I was fresh from the gym with a cutoff shirt on] needless to say he drove off. When I returned to the car telling Lanelle about it she had already known because she was behind me sitting in the car mean mugging back too hahaha!!!! Don’t let Lanelle think you’re bothering me, because it’ll be a wrap! I love you boo
8 Days Left until our wedding … ohhh sookie snaps! lmbo
Fact number 8 about Nelle D & I’s relationship.
Lanelle values all of the small things I do for her… I mean like REALLY values them!! I remember one of the first times I got her flowers she held on to them for weeks and even looked online for a way to preserve the petals. Sometimes it’s the simple things in life that leave a lasting impression.
Oh and I proposed on OCT 20, 2013… I knew she would say yes and I had to stop by the my apartment before taking her home that night, so I decorated my it with flowers and a sign on the wall that read, “SHE SAID YES TO JAVON” … Tell me why still to this day (APR 17, 2014) I am not allowed to take that sign down! LMBO7 Days until the wedding suckaaaa!!!!!Fact number 7 about Nelle D and I’s relationship …
We be trippin lol!! & sometimes hard over small stuff.. Like she pointed out the other day, we don’t always see eye to eye, but no two people ‘always’ will… BUT we made an agreement early in the relationship. An agreement that meant we don’t lie to each other and it was ok to have differences BUT we would not carry them over into the next day. We agreed, and to this day still have not broken it. It’s funny because I remember a few times waiting right before midnight to call her, say our prayers together and then reconcile & ask for forgiveness (if I was wrong lol jk). This has helped us admit when we truly are at fault and it usually doesn’t take very long. I remember one time Lanelle jokingly said something like, “I’m glad we only stay mad at each other for less than 3hrs.”
FB I personally think that’s ” a good problem to have” … This technique that we use basically comes from the bible in EPHESIANS 4:25-27
[Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:25-27 NIV)]
I believe it’s like anything else .. With good practice it becomes much easier to sometimes deny pride and for the sake of peace just take ownership. Fellas sometimes this may be hard but BE A MAN! If you lead her towards God it makes it easy for her to follow you! You may mess up, but still try!
6 Days until we get Hitched Suckas!!!!!
Fact number 6 about Nelle D [my beautiful wife to be] and I’s relationship.
I have a secret weapon… (skip the NEXT paragraph to find out what it is)
L-O-V-E & R-E-S-P-E-C-T .. that’s right, Love and Respect!
As many of you know, before getting married it’s a good idea to get counseling [preferably from someone who is SAVED and Married in my opinion, but that’s another topic], attend classes, study it in the bible, or read a book or two that ties everything to the bible. Well that’s what Lanelle and I did. We sought counsel from pastors, signed up for a class at church, and glanced over a book called ‘Love & Respect’ by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.(Stop skipping paragraphs sucka! lol)
FB Fam.. my secret weapon is Ephesians 5:33 (NIV) which reads
33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Simple scripture, but powerful impact with limitless potential in my eyes. Males need to be respected and Females need to feel love. Think about it, arguments that you’ve had with your loved one, drama, etc… Once you get to the root issue it probably was because the guy felt disrespected and the female didn’t feel loved. A lot of it can be tied back to these two things. Within the book Dr. Emerson states the following:
“When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife”
“When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband”
But check this out…
“Without love, she reacts without respect” .. “Without respect, he reacts without love..” .. I thought on this theory for some time and even applied it to our relationship before marriage. It works! If I love Lanelle with that agape type love then she will learn to respect me unconditionally and won’t play my face in front of the fellas because I’ll tear this house apart lol JK JK she’s nvr done that, but seriously.. Christ is our example for how to love and check out EPH 5!5 DAYS UNTIL IM MARRIED .. oh snap suckassssss! lol
Fact number 5 about Nelle D and I’s relationship
[For us] Love sometimes means making a choice.
I choose to Love Lanelle even though …
Lanelle chooses to Love me even though …
Here’s a better example, because I love Lanelle I’ll choose not to invite any ex’s or anyone I’ve shared an intimate moment with to the wedding. We don’t want anyone sitting there with wishing it were them standing in place of her. The same goes for her.. I don’t want any guy sitting there wishing he was standing in my place. That would bother me.[For us] Love also means communicating effectively. Take this small example from the bible [I love this example by the way]
11 After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.” 12 His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.”
13 Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep. 14 So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, 15 and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”
In this passage Jesus was speaking about Lazarus and trying to tell his disciples what was happening and what he must do. They didn’t understand him the first time, so he explained it in a way that they would understand.. he flat out said “Lazarus is dead”.. When communicating, misguided information can cause confusion in a relationship. Simply because we love each other, we try not to easily get frustrated with each other and take the extra 2 sec out our day to effectively communicate with one another. Try it! .. not saying it’s easy but give it a try.4 Days until we get married #whatwhattttttt
Fact number 4 about Nelle D and I’s relationship
Pray together / Stay together.
Early on in our relationship we made it a priority to pray together. We would call each other at night just to say our prayers together [sometimes I would fall asleep on the phone because Lanelle can pray for a while when she’s fellin it lmbo!]. Still to this day because we know each other so well, when we see a trick from the enemy bothering one another we stop what we are doing, hold hands and go to war! I remember this one time she grabbed my hand out of the blue and began praying. When she finished she looked at me to pray also, but it was so hard to open my mouth because I was so upset.. she didn’t give up, that girl stood there just looking at me. So as soon as I opened my mouth God began to move.We go to God for everything. I remember praying that our relationship would improve everyday and it has. This baffled me because I guess in my mind I viewed a relationship as something that would plateau and eventually the joy/excitement would have leveled out by now. This didn’t happened.. it’s like each day with her gets better and better. In essence, I was putting a limit on God. Why couldn’t our relationship get better each day?.. was it because of what other people say or because it hasn’t happened to them. Or was I going to put my faith in God and make a simple prayer? Family and friends don’t define your relationship! You can let people talk and walk away taking nothing from the conversation, I’ve learned to do this because sometimes they have good intensions but it’s not Godly advice or wisdom.3 Days until the wedding!!! #HipHipHooray
Fact number 3 about Nelle D and I’s relationship
Sex! God created it.
That got your attention huh? lol.. Well let’s talk about it! Everybody does it right .. In the words of Steve Harvey, “Where do you think all these little (baby) Christians come from!?” Let me be clear…… I am not perfect, nor am I here to paint a pretty picture of us as if we were. Now that that is out the way. The next question is, have Lanelle and I had sex with each other yet?The answer is NO. Neither of us are virgins, but we choose to abstain from sex until marriage. Why? Simply because we wanted God to bless our unity. We want God to get the glory for bringing us together. We want to give each other our bodies after marriage. Is it hard?
HECK YEA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL
I’m not gonna front! It’s been some very very very VERY tough times, but I had to think to myself (like the Vine video) “I ain’t gonna do it”. People often ask me what’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life. I usually reply, “OCS (Officer Candidate School)” because I was getting test like everyday physically, mentally, emotionally, and even my faith got rocked. Not to mention we received peer evaluations and if you failed events or ran to slow, etc, we either got kicked out of the program or had to start over from the beginning. Back then usually getting kicked out meant we were out the Army or couldn’t be an officer and were locked in as a Specialist. Well now waiting before Lanelle and I have sex is up there with that.
The bible speaks about how the flesh constantly battles with your spirit. Rom 8:13 says
13 For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
What are some fleshly acts? Gal 5:19-21 speaks on it.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Just like OCS, everyday can pose a new battle with waiting to have sex. The flesh can test you daily; physically, mentally, emotionally, and even rock your faith (if you allow it).
But we are here with the help of God as a testimony that it can be done. Also, learn to ignore people that make unwanted comments about this topic. I’ve even had someone say, “I feel sorry for her, it’s going to be horrible…” speaking about the amount of time I’ve been waiting. I beg to differ because just like everything else, God has his hands on it and is blessing our relationship (all parts of it after Friday! LoL)