Monthly Archives: May 2014

When I say… “I am a Christian”

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not holier than thou,
I’m just a simple sinner
Who received God’s good grace, somehow.”

― Carol Wimmer


Filed under The Christian Life

People Ain’t Even Dating “No More”…..



My timelines and mini-feeds are flooded DAILY with posts and status from men/women questioning “if there are any good ________ out there.”

They are “tired of the same ole same ole”….”sick of bummy dudes cheating on them despite the fact that they give them everything”….”trying to figure out where all the ‘queens’ are…the list goes on and on (and on).

Though I’m young in years, I know that DATING like they did it in the ‘days of old’ is the key to knocking out most of these questions and frustrations.

Let’s look at how dating was a few decades ago…..

STEP 1 – You are friends and spend time together

STEP 2 – You express your interest and go on ‘dates’ to find out more about the other person. (if you find that they aren’t someone you’re interested in romantically you stop it right there and either stay JUST friends or nothing at all).

STEP 3- If things go well, you begin to date exclusively (meaning NO one else in the equation and no sexual intimacies)

STEP 4- Enter into a long term relationship which leads to marriage.

Not to say everything went perfectly and everyone played by the book, but for the most part this was the overall standard on how things rolled.

Looking at the ‘dating’ scene today, you could get any manner of situations….

STEP 1 – You see someone out or in the club you think is cute and exchange numbers or have sex

 STEP 2- You chill on the regular (aka have sexual relations) and eventually call yourself “talking”; meaning you are an item, but are free to do whatever you want with whomever because you are not in a CONFIRMED committed relationship.

STEP 3 – You grow used to the person and start living together or driving each others cars or having each other babies or putting major purchases in each other’s names despite the fact that you’re not confirmed as an exclusive couple

STEP 4- One or both of parties start to wonder “what are we”? and demand commitment, but when they get told “you know how I feel about you” still stay in the “situationship” and settle with life the way it is waiting for the day you get a commitment (sometimes one of the parties get fed up and actually leave the relationship but most times that takes years)

STEP 5 – Stay in a sexually physical relationship for more than 2 years awaiting the day you (A) feel  like you’re tired of playing around and are finally ready to settle down or (B) finally get the ring you’ve wanted forever.


Not saying successful relationships haven’t come from scenarios like this, but often times it’s like 1% that come out together in the end. This is also not to say that people dating the “old fashion way” don’t break up either — I’m calling attention to the point that it will help weed out a few bad seeds before you’re in too deep.

Here is what I would suggest doing if you want a meaningful and successful relationship (and yes, I am working on practicing this myself):

#1 When you meet a person you think you’re interested in, make it known that you’re interested by suggesting you go on a date or hang out. If you’re a woman who wants the guy to ask YOU, don’t give him a hard time and make him guess — let him know you’re interested in him. This could be something as simple as a smile. If you’re a smiley person…um you may want to try something else. haha

#2 Once it’s established that interests are sparked and you go on your first date and DO NOT INTRODUCE SEX!!!! This will totally cloud your better judgement I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FLIP WHAT ANYONE SAYS! Soul ties are real and you can be the ‘hardest dude’ or ‘baddest chick’ out here…you still have a heart and your feelings will get played with. Take time to get to know about the person you’re on a date with. Their interests, their background, what they currently do. If at the end of the date you’re feeling like this isn’t going to work. Suggest you continue hanging out as friends….other wise, just cut it off.

#3 If you find yourself going on multiple dates with ONE person in particular, and introduce kissing and touching, I think it’s safe to say that you are ready for an exclusive relationship. MEANING you should stop dating anyone else you have lined up. This is VERBALLY established. No ghost texting or wondering…it is understood by BOTH parties that you are not to date ANYONE ELSE. This will make things sticky, messy, and a lot of wires can get crossed. If you’re into one person in particular…BE into them. If you keep stringing 2 or 3 other folks along – what’s going to happen when you’re ready for marriage? You just gonna cut them off out of the blue? Are you going to cheat because you don’t know who you love? EXCLUSIVE denotes ONE!!! So do that!

#4 Eventually you find yourself exclusively dating someone for 6 months to 2 years…it’s time to start thinking about marriage. By this time you should be pretty familiar with the person’s family and their habits. Not to say you will know EVERYTHING about them, but you should know the important stuff. I still wouldn’t suggest living together — even IF it’s “gonna happen anyway”. This leaves the door WIDE open for sex and even though you’ve probably been dating each other for awhile, it still may cloud your judgement. Say you find out something terrible after a year and a half of dating. You’d be lying to yourself if you say that sex wouldn’t cloud your better judgement. Shoot, if it were me, I’d be weighing out the pros and cons of this thing; so I know you would be too! SEX can lead you to make decisions you otherwise wouldn’t. Not saying you have to be perfect, I’m just making the point that your relationship could be that much more exciting if you save everything until AFTER you’re married. It gives you something to work for…to look forward to.

If you’ve been living with the same person or in a relationship with the same person for over 2 years and you’re an adult…it’s time to think about marriage or get out. Though I know plenty of people who have ‘common law marriages’….I personally don’t agree with them. I still love the people, I just think that they rob you and your ‘special someone’ or the happiness and adventure that is marriage. If you’ve been living with someone for 8 or 9 years, have kids by them, share the same bed, and do everything else a married couple does — but STILL don’t get married….I just don’t understand, nor do I desire to. If you’re a woman who wants to get married and have been with the same guy for 15 years, he’s probably not going to marry you. There goes your marriage benefits and TECHNICALLY if he cheats on you, you can’t say too much because essentially you’re just dating.

I also don’t agree with getting married JUST because or just to have sex and get government privileges. That’s a slap in the face to the blessedness of marriage. It’s like you’re taking it as a joke. TAKE YOUR TIME…DO IT RIGHT….ok I’ll stop before I start singing the entire song.

But do you get me? Great!

– Joc



Filed under Joc's Observations

Baby’s first LOL

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7 Ways VH1 is Destroying the Black Community (and Degrading Women) via

(original story via )

7 Ways VH1 is Destroying the Black Community (and Degrading Women)

Dr Boyce Watkins wrote the article below tiled, 7 Ways VH1 is destroying the Black Community.  I couldn’t agree more with all that he said. Not only are these minstrel shows destroying the Black community, but tarnishing the gender of women as well.   I would often find myself watching in horror as the story lines of these clueless characters unfolded week after week, until finally I simply stopped watching. Several episodes of recorded shows such as; Love & Hip Hop, Basketball Wives, Real Housewives of Atlanta, etc., sit un-watched in my DVR because I am appalled & at times disgusted by what I see & hear. Quite honestly, I am fed up with the whole franchise of foolishness. The article below tells the truth. Read, comment, share…


Due to their interesting choices in programming, VH1 might be better referred to as “The Evil Empire.” Their endless stream of reality TV shows tend to focus on taking otherwise irrelevant black people and making them as recognizable as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr (I’m serious: There are black kids who could identify a Basketball Wife before they could identify Dr. King – don’t even try Malcolm X or Harriet Tubman). There is then this awkward rat race, where famous people with no talent end up doing outrageous and embarrassing things so they can remain in the public eye.

It’s sad. It’s annoying. It’s degrading. Sometimes, it’s just downright embarrassing. Not that we should spend all of our time being worried about what white people think about us, but our people are far more dignified and diverse than the coonery that reality TV executives love to market and elevate. Bill Cosby’s shows used to make black kids want to attend HBCUs, but VH1′s shows are putting our kids into rehab and STD clinics. This is not a good tradeoff for our people.

So, here are a few ways that VH1 just might a psychological version of the Tuskegee Experiment:


1) Promoting sloppy and tragic decision-making: A teacher recently told me about a little girl in her first grade class who was asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” She said, “I want to be a basketball wife” (as if this were a real profession). Stories like this remind us that our kids are always watching and that the entertainment they absorb is (as Dr. Christopher Emdin at Columbia University so eloquently explains) a form of education. Not only are they learning about possible career choices, they are also learning about life choices: Marrying the wrong person, having a baby at the wrong time, spending their money in the wrong way and valuing the wrong things. Then, when that little girl is 31 years old with no education and four baby’s daddies, and can’t figure out why she’s so depressed that she can’t get out of bed in the morning, we sit and wonder how she ended up in such a hopeless predicament.

2) You’re now helping people to sell sexx tapes? It’s one thing that the 44-year old single mother Mimi Faust is celebrating her inner freak by promoting a dirty tape, that’s her right. But it’s another thing that VH1 is helping to promote the tape in order to improve ratings for the show. Maybe this is where the FCC should step in and say, “Hmmm, maybe we shouldn’t have a show on the public airwaves that mass promotes the idea of making a dirty tape in order to pay the bills.” Maybe someone needs to stand in front of their building with picket signs. Maybe a group of psychologists should come forward and share the findings of research showing that marketing messages actually do impact the viewer. Should something happen, or should we just act like none of this makes a difference in our society? I won’t even talk about Mimi’s poor daughter, whose friends at school are going to be able to look her naked mother up on the Internet. I hope she knows how to defend herself from bullies, since the rumors in middle school are going to be so vicious that she’ll need both Dr. Phll AND Iyanla Vanzant to get over the trauma. I need to call my mother up and thank her for not becoming a 44-year old pοrn star.

3) Making ridiculous people into prominent members of the African American community: Seriously, can you please explain what talent most of the members of Basketball Wives possess other than being able to get a rich athlete to sleep with them? Wait…maybe that is a special talent….the kind that men pay for on street corners late at night. From what I understand, most of the “Basketball Wives” were never wives. Shouldn’t they just be called “Basketball Baby’s mamas” instead? Most reality TV stars aren’t famous for having a talent…instead, they’re just famous for being famous.


4) Do black people REALLY need more violence right now? Most of the Reality TV shows feature some kind of drama and the celebration of violence as a way to promote themselves to the public. Porsha Stewart hitting Kendra Moore upside the head had people talking. Evelyn Lozada got famous for climbingup on tables and chasing people around the room like a horny zoo animal. Rappers get famous by talking about how they got shot. Effectively, we’ve turned the most tragic part of the black experience into a comfortable and profitable norm, and big, white corporations are able to profit from it. If I were a white man running one of these companies, I’d probably spend my time thinking, “What in the hell is wrong with these people?”

5) We’re becoming a pack of brain dead vegetables obsessing over things that really don’t matter: My friend (just last night) told me that her friends make fun of her for not watching “Basketball Wives” and the “Real Housewives of Atlanta.” I told her that it’s OK that she has better things to do, like working toward her goals, taking care of her kids, going to the gym or planning a mission to Mars. The point is that, maybe we have to ask: Is it a GOOD thing that black people watch more television than everyone else? Maybe it’s not so healthy to sit in one spot and stare at a screen like a mentally-disabled puppy for 8 or 9 hours a day. That might not be good for the spirit: A consumer/viewer is a bystander in life. Rather than making things happen, they are WATCHING things happen. Your life isn’t what you make it out to be….it’s what some television producer has decided that it’s going to be. You are effectively living in the matrix.

6) Yes, let’s start celebrating broken families and pretending that they are normal: A dude with nine babies with seven women? Yea, he’s a playa. The mother who can barely take care of the kids she keeps making with men who don’t know how to wear a condom? God tells us not to judge, so you should just mind your own business.
Anybody who doesn’t understand the devastating impact of broken families in the African American community is absolutely insane. White America did this to us with the War on Drugs, which is why Michelle Alexander and I both agree that reparations should be paid for the mass incarceration holocaust. But to have the same network that owns VH1 and BET (Viacom) celebrate the genocide of our families is entirely unacceptable.
7) The selling of dysfunctional relationships: I often wonder how many little girls are seeing the women on Love & Hip-Hop make some of the most horrific relationship decisions and thinking, “I wanna also be with a promiscuous rapper with 40 tattoos and six babies mamas, who smokes a pound of weed every day when I grow up.” The hypermasculinity of corporatized hip-hop has taught young black men that being dismissive and disrespectful toward women is the way to express your manhood. We know that the opposite is actually true: Self-discipline, education, and honorably protecting those you love is what makes you a man. This feminization of black men is making us the weakest in our communities when we should be the strongest. High-testosterone women who grow up expecting to be both the mother and the father of their kids don’t help the problem either. We MUST learn how to have healthy relationships if we are going to survive as a people.55


Filed under Around The World, Society and Such

The devil doesn’t care if…..

Joshua 1:8 : “This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to DO according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous and then you will have GOOD Success.” 

Satan is afraid of Believers DOING the will of God. His instructions laid out for us in the the Holy Bible is His will for us. We prosper and have good success when we DO the Word!

Quote via #ReHabTime #TrentShelton #TBN

– Joc

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In the 90s I Had A Crush On……

Brandon Quintin Adams – the People Under The Stairs, the Sandlot & the Mighty Ducks

Dante Basco – Hook

Rider Strong – Boy Meets World, Cabin Fever

Raphael Saadiq – Tony! Toni! Toné!

Chris “Daddy Mac” Smith – Kriss Kross

Devon Sawa – the Little Giants, Casper, Night of the Twisters, Final Destination

Jerome “Romeo” Jones – Immature/IMX

Lee Thompson Young – the Famous Jett Jackson, Friday Night Lights

Q-Tip – Tribe Called Quest

and the top crush of my childhood…..

Mos Def – Black Star

Ladies…you can thank me later

– Joc

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E – Commerce SEO Tips

Smart Shopping at Home

SEO Tips for ecommerce sites - SEO Optimization Tips - 12 SEO Ti

Do you have an eCommerce site and only family knows about it? This is a sign you need to drive traffic to your website! Yes, but how? SEO is one of a method, which helps to drive traffic to a website.

  1. Effective Title Tags

The title tags on a page are a crucial part of your SEO. When crafting a title tag, create a tag that is a typical search term your product.

  1. Product Images Optimization

Internet users are increasingly using to find products online. Therefore, eCommerce websites need to add related keywords into the ALT tags of every image on their website.

  1. Quality over Quantity

Paying for traffic doesn’t lead to conversions is a waste of money. It’s great to rank-organically or paid – for the keyword “camera.” But long-tail terms, such as “canon EOS,” are more likely to reach customers closer to making a purchase.

  1. Content Optimization

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Behind the Brand: The International Natural Hair Meet-up Day (@INHMD)

Street Intell

Adeea Rogers Adeea Rogers, better known as ‘The Trendy Socialite’, is the visionary behind the world renowned and highly anticipated International Natural Hair Meet-up Day.

Adeea has been a corporate event planner for 14 years and has also managed to plan other exclusive events but INHMD is her biggest endeavor yet. She is currently employed at East Carolina University as the Assistant Director of Marketing for Student Involvement and Leadership.

We had the pleasure of sitting down and speaking with Adeea as she shared a bit of her personal journey and provided some details on the wonderful things ahead for this year’s event.

Adeea first got the idea for INHMD after attending the 2011 World Natural Hair Show held in Atlanta, Georgia. While there she stated being “over-whelmed, inspired and excited all at the same time.” Although she didn’t know much of anyone there, she shared how the atmosphere emitted a sense…

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May 13, 2014 · 6:13 pm

POWERFUL Dance Depicting the Christian Experience – Sinner to Saint

When I logged on to post my daily FB posts, I saw that a friend of mind had tagged me in this video (see above). I wasn’t sure what to expect but by the comments that were posted below, I knew I HAD to look. I made the mistake of checking it right before I started the day in the office because all I could do was cry, cry, cry!!!!

I see liturgical dances all of the time, and not to say they aren’t effective — but this one here — EVERYTHING was spot on perfect! Each emotion, each movement so accurately depicted what it’s like to be lost in the world and found again by Christ.

PLEASE look at the video first, then read below my comments…..

PHASE 1 – With Christ

The woman depicts what it’s like when we are one with Christ. For me, this was an era of innocence. The woman is seen in all white which stands for innocence. As a kid, though we are born into sin, we are innocent to a certain point. We don’t know ALL of the whims the world dangles in front of us, and certainly can’t fully digest, fathom, or understand the consequences that come with sinful acts. We simply do what we see. We hang on to our mom or our grandparents or whoever else for answers. Even if we aren’t brought up in a Christian household, we are still innocent in the sense that we are blissfully unaware of how the actions of today will affect our futures.

PHASE 2 – Intermingling with the devil

Once again, the woman represents what the old saints call “straddling the fence” . Proving that none of us are exempt from temptation regardless of how saved the family we grew up in was. Satan will use the glam of the world to pull us in little by little — sin by sin. You may start off smoking cigarettes then trying weed, then it may open up to something more. You may start off sipping some wine to relax when you’ve had a hard day, then it may turn into drinking every night, then it may lead to hard liquor. That is how the enemy gets us (as clearly seen in the video). He will use one “little” thing to draw us deeper and deeper into a world that will ultimately lead to death.

PHASE 3 – Struggling with sin and wanting to get out

This part of the dance touches on a topic I’ve spoken on before — the difference between willingly living in sin and struggling with sin. If you are struggling you want to get out. Whether you are open about it or whether you pray secretly in your heart for an escape. Every prostitute doesn’t want to be one. Every dope boy doesn’t want to be one. Every alcoholic doesn’t want to be one. They may try to go to church then fall back. They may try to kick that drug habit but fall back. In the dance, all of the vices that sucked the woman into sin are ultimately the same things that are trying to keep her into it. The devil doesn’t want you to ‘get out of a life of sin’ — so he’ll send those spirits of addiction and fornication and whatever else to try to keep you bound so you can die and spend eternity in hell with him. If you are STRUGGLING with a life of sin (like the woman) you need to do all you can to get out. Stop hanging around those same people. Go to a rehab facility. Do whatever you can to get free.

PHASE 4 – Breaking free of sin to a life with Christ

The last part of this dance is really what tore me up! This represents the years of struggling and reaching out for God and finally breaking through to living in the safety of His arms. Notice that Jesus doesn’t just run and rescue the woman (though He could). As people we have the power of CHOICE. Christ won’t force Himself on us, He is there waiting for US to make the choice to live for Him…the choice of LIFE! The enemy doesn’t want us to break totally through and we may backslide on our journey out of bondage, but as the dance concludes, it’s so beautifully visible that if we don’t give up and keep pushing towards righteousness WE CAN MAKE IT to a life with the Savior.

– Joc

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