Today I had the honor of singing to my parents in honor of their 30th Wedding Anniversary which is tomorrow. They dated for 6 years WITHOUT SHACKING before they got married and are still going strong! Sometimes I honestly get kind of sad thinking on how strong their marriage is because I know that the way society is set up today, that type of marriage is statistically not in the cards for me — BUT GOD knows my heart and I will have whomever He has for me. I have faith. And because my parents instilled the importance of having God in a marriage, I will remain in the ‘fields’ working until my man of God scoops me up. There IS such thing as a strong, black marriage. Once two godly people join together and do things THE RIGHT WAY (no cheating, no violence, no LAHH mess) — a long lasting marriage is possible. My parents are proof of that. Ladies and fellas, don’t let these reality shows and songs and movies fool you — marriage is HARDDDD work, but can totally work if your heart and your soul is in it!
My timeline is constantly flooded with quotes and reposts of Bey & Jay or Marilyn Monroe from souls who yearn and desperately want to have a love that they only hear of in their grandparents’ stories of how it was back in the old days. THIS IS NOT COOL. I know there will be people who will get defensive as soon as I say this but [we] as a society are responsible for the degradation of marriage. You have girls who want a boy to treat them right but feel as though there is no “real connection” if they don’t give up the panties or get turnt. You have boys who chase skirts and demand the goods because they (incorrectly) feel and learn from older men in their neighborhood and in hip hop that “this is what real men do”. SO what happens? The girls grow into women who begin sleeping with every dude they like or break their back working to pay the bills for an apartment they share with men who are NOT their husbands YET daily stay praying and wishing and hoping for a commitment. Those boys (who really wanted a good girl all along to inspire them to be better) grow into men who are womanizers and treat women like dirt because they are scared of taking a chance on ONE woman because “there may be someone better down the road”.
Watching my parents I’ve learned that there is no such thing as a “soul mate” despite what the secular love songs and movies would have you think — there is that person that GOD has designed for you. Sex won’t make someone stay. Having a child with someone won’t make your relationship stronger if it’s founded on rocky soil. God knows your strengths and your weaknesses and knows who would be the right match for you. All you have to do is keep your heart open to His voice which will let you know if “that person” is the one. There will be many people whom WE may THINK is the one — but are not God’s best for US. Not saying they can’t grow and mature into a great husband or wife, but they are not the one that God has for YOU — maybe someone else. My parents knew how to listen to God’s voice even before they were strong in their Christian walk and as a result, they found each other. And though you can never truly know EVERYTHING about a person, my parents learned each other by taking their time and dating 6 years. Not saying it will take everyone else that long, but the point I picked up from them is that you can’t meet someone and 2 weeks later fall in love. EVERYONE will get butterflies when first dating someone — it’s human nature. The chase is fun — but taking time to hang out with each other WITHOUT SEX or DATING SOMEONE ON THE SIDE will really allow you to know a person well without physical or emotional distractions clouding your judgement.
One of the last little things I’ve learned from watching my parents over the years is that you have to be the type of person you want to attract. MEANING, you can’t be slinging dope or getting faded every weekend, but desire to marry someone who is responsible and have their stuff together. You can’t update your FB or Twitter status with every play by play of your life and want to marry someone who is drama free. You can’t look to marry someone who is naturally attractive and is headed for success in their career if you put on 5 pounds of makeup or don’t keep yourself up at all while blowing all your money on parties, alcohol, and weed. Marriage is WORK. You have to put in what you want to get out of it. My parents show me that each time I see them together. Though they have different personalities and interests, they both had common goals — they didn’t just dream of doing something, they both went to school and did what they had to do to make it in the education field. They both shared the same spiritual faith. They both were on the same page with “spare the rod spoil the child” (LORD my butt is still aching from those whoopins. I used to act up ya’ll haha) — they came together and put in the marriage what they expected out of it. They taught me to not date or want to get married out of loneliness because that’s a surefire way to have your marriage fail — they let me know that I needed to build myself up while I’m single and figure out what I want out of life how to better myself so that I can attract a man who is doing the same thing! If I am giving, faithful, and caring towards my husband — and he is giving, faithful, and caring towards me — then BOTH of our needs would be met. Ok that’s enough of my 2 cents — I am so proud of my parents and am blessed to have them as examples.