Don’t Let Fear of Singleness Rush You Into Marriage….

Last night, I was perusing Christian based motivational speaker Heather Lindsey’s Facebook page and saw this:

When you’re single.. you’re FREE to roam around, move wherever, do whatever, have huge sleepovers with 20 of your girlfriends, spend whatever, eat whatever, go wherever & you don’t have to accountable to anyone BUT God. But then when you get married and then you have kids.. you have NEW responsibilities. You can’t just up and go backpack around Europe for 90 days with kids at home! You have to talk to your spouse about the decisions that you make and make sure that they’re ok with them. Don’t get married and then COVET your single life because you wasted the entire thing complaining about being single. Get up & get BUSY about doing what the Lord told YOU to do.

I literally stood up and clapped my hands like I was somebody’s mama at their high school graduation. I have literally been expressing and living by this same sentiment for the past 4 years! After my last major breakup, I realized that I was dating the guy I was with out of loneliness. I felt like the “pool of potentials” where I lived wasn’t very deep (or accessible) and I wanted to be able to do all the fun activities other couples in my life took part in. But you know, that relationship never did mirror the ones my friends and wedding clients seemed to have. So I had to step away and really struggle — dig deep to find the joy in singleness. I was so wrapped up in “having someone” I wasn’t fully enjoying my season of singleness. After coming to this realization, I began to throw myself into exploring new creative outlets and even launched a new business. To ME, it appeared as though this was my way of dealing with the failed relationship; when in all actuality, it was God thumping me on the forehead like “See girl, you were so busy investing yourself into that God forsaken relationship, you neglected the time you could’ve spent building and establishing yourself and My kingdom. There are still some things you’ve got to get done while you’re single before you settle down and become someone’s wife and mother!” 

Boy was He right (but then again, He IS the creator of all existence).

Over time I said to myself, “Jocelyn….do you realize that if you want to up and go to Florida for a week, you can without having to worry about anyone else’s feelings?! If you feel sick and want to come straight home to sleep….you can because you don’t have any kids to take care of! If you want to go to a concert with one of your strictly guy friends…you can because you’re totally single! If you want to invest your money into a new business, by all means do…it’s not like you have a household of 5 to worry about providing for.” I’ve honestly come to be a SUPER happy single woman and I can tell you it feels AMAZING! I can spend all week at church or spend all night writing or editing photos if I so choose because I don’t have to take into account anyone else’s feelings or emotions but my own!

Now before someone interprets this as me heading towards a “I don’t need a man” rant — know that I KNOW I need a man. I believe in God’s divine family order. I WANT to grow into the woman that can be someone’s help meet. I WANT to share my life with an attractive, loving, faithful man who can lead my household in the godly, upright way. I do DESIRE to be married and have kids one day — but I know that there are still some things I need to launch and see and do before all of that can happen. To be honest, I think that’s why so many women are unhappy in relationships now (can’t really speak for the men because I’m…well a woman). They spend their entire lives (as I did) collecting bits and pieces from books, movies, media, and music; gluing them into a mental picture of the perfect life! They want to be married by this age…they want to have kids by that age……

What they fail to realize is that you should be mentally and spiritually READY for marriage and family before jumping into it. If you want your marriage to be fruitful and long lasting, if you want your kids to have an amazing childhood — you have to make sure you have learned from the lessons of your past and can successfully take that growth into the next chapter of your life. Yes, you will still do some growing after you are married with children…but some things you need to have a handle on before jumping into it all. I learned from trial-and-error that if you spend all of your time WISHING you were married or wishing you had a family; you’ll end up settling for a life with someone you know is not God’s best for you. If you don’t mature while you’re single, there’s a good chance you’ll enter marriage and family prematurely without fully being ready for all that comes with it.

Yes when you’re married and have kids you’ll gain companionship and love; but in order to be a good wife/husband, you need to be sensitive to your spouses feelings. You need to be there for your children (even when you don’t feel like it). You have to learn to compromise and let go of selfish motives — after all, you will no longer just be ( insert-name-here) — you will forever be _______ ‘s wife/husband and ________ ‘s mother/father.

Just think on it. Blessings,

– Jocelyn

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2 Comments

Filed under Joc's Observations, The Christian Life

2 responses to “Don’t Let Fear of Singleness Rush You Into Marriage….

  1. Society sorta dictates that a female should be married shortly after graduation or shortly after university experience. This is simply not universal.Every female is not good as a wife or a mother, just like every male is not husband or a father…Lets do things that are beneficial to us as individuals and not the status quo..

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