Monthly Archives: January 2015

5 Ways To Avoid a Rebound Relationship

Though you can probably already tell, I’m a woman who can get around the interweb pretty well. (I like saying interweb) I come across hundreds of articles — some better than others — offer up my commentary, and share it with you all!

This morning while getting ready for work, I get a notification from “THE PRAYING WOMAN” (a Christian woman-based blog I follow) and the subject line read:

Christian Dating: 5 Ways To Avoid a Rebound Relationship

If you’re like me, you’ve had your share of rebound crushes and dating experiences — some of them you wish you could take back. Right?! I KNOW I’m not the only one!

rebound

Anyway, I decided to open it up the link while sitting in the coffeehouse drive thru and thought back to the last ‘rebounder’ I came in contact with. Just to be clear, a ‘rebounder’ doesn’t have to necessarily be looking for an actual relationship. It can simply be an intimate friendship with someone of the opposite sex. I’ve found by observation (and personal experience) that when a person gets out of a relationship, especially if it’s a long term one, they find themselves in the awkward space of going from having constant interaction with the opposite sex to virtually nothing at all. This is when they’ll strike up close friendships with someone of opposite sex to get that one-on-one time they used to have with their ex.

LISTEN to me when I say NO INTIMACY or SEXUALLY based interactions have to occur….. a friendly hug, a playful hand hold, a tussle or fight, a deep conversation — any one of these things can satisfy a ‘rebounder’s’ need for the opposite sex while avoiding actually getting in a relationship. Remember, ‘rebounders’ are never really looking to get into anything serious, but just look for someone to have fun with while they figure out their feelings for their ex. Is it fair to the new person? HECK NO….but it doesn’t stop people from doing it.

SO now that we’ve reestablished the motives of a ‘rebounder’ — I can list the tips the article gave to AVOID being caught up in their wave of sappy Drake songs and ill intended ‘friendly dates’.

1.  Find out how recent their last relationship was. This is a key step in determining whether or not this person is on the rebound. Steer clear of anyone who has ended a relationship within the past three months. They’re probably not ready to jump right into another relationship (even if they think they are) . Some are just looking for someone to help them deal with their recent break-up. [As soon as] you’ve served your purpose, [there will be] no need for you anymore. Sad, but true!

2. Ask them.Don’t be afraid to ask them. Straight out… “I know it hasn’t been long since your breakup. Do you feel like you’re at a place where you’re able to love again?” Make sure you take note of their body language while they’re responding. It will tell you a lot!

3. Pay attention to how often they mention the ex.Even better, what does this person have to say about their ex? If they’re constantly talking about their ex (even if it’s in a bad way) , they’re still emotionally attached.It’s probably a good idea to give this person space to sort out their feelings before pursuing anything further.

4. Listen to how they talk to you.If they rarely mention anything about the the two of you as far as a future, or seems as though they’re constantly keeping their options open even though they are supposed to be in a relationship with you, then there’s a good chance, they’re rebounding. They might enjoy your company but isn’t ready for a commitment.

5. Evaluate how they treat you.If they constantly want to be intimate, even after you have made it painfully clear, NO SEX, yet they don’t want to take you out on a real date or invest quality time to really get to know you, this person is probably rebounding.

You can read this article in its entirety here at : http://theprayingwoman.com/2015/01/30/christian-dating-5-ways-to-avoid-a-rebound-relationship/  ** image also courtesy of theprayingwoman.com

Blessings,

– Joc

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Keep Calm….God is Working – My Thoughts on “Stinking Thinking”

During the past four weeks God has really been dealing with me on the subject of THOUGHTS. Often times I find myself slipping into “stinking thinking” (as Joyce Meyers would say).  More recently I’ve had moments where I’ll become preoccupied with the future…you know… Am I ready to own a home? What’s the next step? When will my prayers for a family come to fruition? Will I be spiritually, emotionally, and physically ready? Why do I feel stuck? Am I making the right decision for my businesses? Am I truly emotional and physically healed from my past hurts to enjoy the present? AND SO ON AND SO FORTH!

Last Thursday I woke up with a cluster of revelations rushing to my mind. First of all, I realized that I needed a good slap on the back of the neck because I am God’s child! I believe in and wholeheartedly follow His son Jesus Christ PLUS I pick up my cross daily to follow Him SOOOOO I have no business worrying about ANYTHING to begin with (oh what needless pains I bore)

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

“Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.” – 2 Chronicles 7:14 NLT

“The name of the LORD is a strong fortress; the godly run to him and are safe.” – Proverbs 18:10 NLT

Secondly, “stinking thinking” has interrupted my peace. God has not given ANY of us a spirit of fear, but of peace and of love and of a sound mind. He gives us His peace —

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” – John 14:27 KJV

— so that we can work on ‘chill mode’ while He works out all the ‘particulars’.  I’ve found myself lately getting so caught up in my dreams, and my excitement, and my desires, that I’ve virtually forgotten to bring them to God the Father and leave them there. It’s like I’ve been praying this entire time, “God help me with this and that as I kneel before Your throne of grace. Amen” — wait a few seconds, start packing all my prayer requests back into my heart, and turn around to go back to my daily life with the VERY SAME STUFF I just asked God to take care of! How silly is that?! I know, God’s evidently been working on me!

A third thing I was reminded of is that negative thinking has been holding up my healing – and I’m not just talking about emotional! Thinking toxic thoughts have the power to halt our physical healing too! God is not a respecter of persons, but a respecter of faith —

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” – Matthew 17:20 NLT

–and when we allow negative thoughts to take over, it dampens our faith and hope of ever being healed from: that terrible cold, that excruciating back pain, that digestion problem, that asthma, that chronic disease, anything! Not saying God isn’t going to heal me unless I have 100% faith (sometimes my faith ain’t all the way on fleek), but that’s something I need to be working towards; and I believe that God works more quickly once our faith lines up with what we KNOW He can do! (just look at Jairus and the ‘Woman with the Issue of Blood’ in the books of Mark and Luke). Our faith may be on 60% (aka on sub-fleek), but I confidently believe that even with that little bit that we muster up, we can still tap into SO much more as Christians when our thoughts are lined up with God’s. Our positive and hopeful thinking will carry our faith even further and carry us into the healed and happy future God wants ALL of us to have!

“For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.” – 1 Corinthians 2:16 ESV

Our thoughts have the power to shape our future – whether through how it drives us to act or feel or believe. It’s in our best interest to make sure our thinking is fresh and alive! Join me in kicking that “stinking thinking” to the curb, and walk with me into a prosperous future!

– Joc

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