Today’s dating/marriage culture is 50/50 which comes from a selfish, faithless mindset. It says, “you have to meet me 50/50 one hundred percent of the time because I have to look out for me and be ready to go the moment you deviate from that.”
That’s fear. That’s lack of faith. Love is the epitome of faith. Two imperfect people CHOOSING to love one another through minor faults and quirks because they’re worth it.
If you’re a Christian (a follower of Christ and His teachings, believing that He is the Son of the Living God) you should understand that this is worldly thinking. (See Romans 12:2) As Christians what and WHO we believe by faith won’t make “logical” sense to someone who hasn’t renewed their mind with the faith of God. This is why many out here find themselves bouncing from relationship to relationship; never really committing their heart, in fear of not being able to wholeheartedly trust anyone other than themselves. I admit, I’ve had struggles with that over the years career and relationship wise. I felt that if I — JOCELYN — couldn’t handle something on my own, it wasn’t worth going with that flow. I thought that if I could organize, plan, and execute EVERYTHING in my life EXACTLY the way I thought it should go (despite not having peace about things and having the Holy Spirit nearly rip my sleeve off trying to drag me in the other way) then it wasn’t right for me.
This is a TERRIBLE way of viewing ANYTHING…especially relationships and marriage! Every married couple I know who’s been married for more than 10 years have ALL said that a thriving, godly marriage will never always be 50/50 equally split. There will be times (at any given time) where one spouse will end up sacrificing more for the other. While everyone’s innate concept of sacrifice varies depending on our personal experiences — a sacrifice is made. That’s just one of the reasons why communication is important before and after getting married. It’s vitally important to be on the same page regarding how you expect a godly marriage to operate, how you define sacrifice, and how you receive love.
Say your significant other is finishing up school while you’re the only one working full time .. that’s not going to be 50/50. Say one of your parents takes ill or needs help bouncing back from a life upset; you’ll need to be there emotionally for them and may need to visit them for an extended period of time or spot them some money (which will be pulled form your household income) to help them out…..that’s not going to be 50/50.
As a Christian woman, I strive to obtain and enjoy God’s best for my life. Period. Over the years I’ve had to grow and renew my old way of thinking to adopt a mindset that some may view as “traditional” or “unfair”. You call it unfair, I call is wise. I don’t want to enter a marriage ignorantly believing that I can have my best life with my future husband while having everything split 50/50 all of the time. I’m learning now that healthy marriages don’t operate like that. Marriage (shoot courtships/relationships period) requires stepping out of your comfort zone and sacrificing some of your comfort to contribute to the relationship working. If that means sacrificing down time after working during the day so I can make sure my future husband has a listening ear or a meal (even if I pick it up on those busy days. lol) that’s something I’ll be willing to sacrifice. If we’re taking a long trip and it’s evident that I’m frazzled or worn down, I expect my future husband to take the wheel to give me some recovery time. There are SO many things that I’ve learned (and still am learning) about God’s intentions for a love that mirrors His. I’m far from perfect, but I thought I’d share a bit on what I’ve learned and what I’ve seen going on around the country and social media.