Category Archives: Around The World

We Are the Generation That Doesn’t Want Relationships

FOREWORD: This article perfectly describes the current generation (ages teens – early 30s) general view of relationships. The ONLY way to truly learn and know how to love is to follow the principles in the Holy Bible. It’s there in black and white — the ultimate handbook. Plus we have the greatest prototype in Jesus Christ. I am so blessed to have been raised in a household and exposed to how God REALLY wants us to “do love”. There is still hope for this generation ONLY IF they stop allowing social media and society’s “instant” mode of thinking. We’ve got to unplug and reconnect with one another! –Joc


We want a second coffee cup in our Instagrams of lazy Saturday mornings, another pair of shoes in our artsy pictures of our feet. We want a Facebook official relationship every one can like and comment on, we want the social media post that wins #relationshipgoals. We want a date for Sunday morning brunch, someone to commiserate with during the drudge of Mondaze, a Taco Tuesday partner, someone to text us good morning on Wednesday. We want a plus one for all the weddings we keep getting invited to (how did they do it? How did they find their happily ever after?). But we are the generation who doesn’t want a relationship.

We swipe left in hopes of finding the right person. We try to special order our soulmate like a request on Postmates. We read 5 Ways to Know He’s Into You and 7 Ways to Get Her to Fall For You, in hopes of being able to upcycle a person into a relationship like a Pinterest project. We invest more time in our Tinder profiles than our personalities. Yet we don’t want a relationship.

We “talk” and we text, we Snapchat and we sext. We hangout and we happy hour, we go to coffee and grab a beer – anything to avoid an actual date. We private message to meet up, we small talk for an hour only to return home and small talk via text. We forgo any chance of achieving real connection by mutually playing games with no winner. Competing for “Most Detached”, “Biggest Apathetic Attitude”, and “Best at Being Emotionally Unavailable”, what we end up actually winning is “Most Likely to Be Alone”.

We want the façade of a relationship, but we don’t want the work of a relationship. We want the hand holding without the eye contact, the teasing without the serious conversations. We want the pretty promise without the actual commitment, the anniversaries to celebrate without the 365 days of work that leads up to them. We want the happily ever after, but we don’t want to put the effort in the here and now. We want the deep connection, while keeping things shallow. We long for that world series kind of love, without being willing to go to bat.

We want someone to hold our hand, but we don’t want to put the power to hurt us in their hands. We want cheesy pick up lines, but we don’t want to be picked up… for that involves the possibility of being set down. We want to be swept off our feet, yet at the same time remaining safely, independently, standing on our own. We want to keep chasing the idea of love, but we don’t want to actually fall into it.

We don’t want relationships – we want friends with benefits, Netflix and chill, nudes on Tinder. We want anything that will give us the illusion of a relationship, without being in an actual relationship. We want all the rewards and none of the risk, all of the payout and none of the cost. We want to connect – enough, but not too much. We want to commit – a little, but not a lot. We take it slow: we see where it goes, we don’t label things, we just hang out. We keep one foot out the door, we keep one eye open, and we keep people at arm’s length – toying with their emotions but most of all toying with our own.

When things get too close to being real, we run. We hide. We leave. There’s always more fish in the sea. There’s always another chance at finding love. There’s just such a little chance of keeping it these days…

We hope to swipe right into happiness. We want to download the perfect fit like a new app – that can be updated every time there’s a hitch, easily compartmentalized into a folder, deleted when we have no more use for it. We don’t want to unpack our baggage – or, worse, help someone unpack theirs. We want to keep the ugly behind the coverup, hide the imperfections with an Instagram filter, choose another episode on Netflix over a real conversation. We like the idea of loving someone despite their flaws; yet we keep our skeletons locked in the closet, happy to never let them see the light of day.

We feel entitled to love, like we feel entitled to full time jobs out of college. Our trophies-for-everyone youth has taught us that if we want something, we deserve it. Our over-watched Disney VHSs taught us true love, soul mates, and happily ever after exist for everyone. And so we put in no effort, and wonder why our prince charming hasn’t appeared. We sit around, upset that our princess is no where to be found. Where is our consolation prize? We showed up, we’re here. Where’s the relationship we deserve? The true love we’ve been promised?

We want a placeholder, not a person. We want a warm body, not a partner. We want someone to sit on the couch next to us, as we aimlessly scroll through another newsfeed, open another app to distract us from our lives. We want to walk this middle line: pretending we don’t have emotions while wearing our heart on our sleeve, wanting to be needed by someone yet not wanting to need someone. We play hard to get just to test if someone will play hard enough – we don’t even fully understand it ourselves. We sit around with friends discussing the rules, but no one even knows the game we’re trying to play. Because the problem with our generation not wanting relationships is that, at the end of the day, we actually do.

Written by Krysti Wilkinson —


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How To Ward Off Depression and Cuffing Season During the Winter

Good day to you all (in my proper British high society voice). I am literally running on the grace of God and fumes, but I was reminded that winter is upon us and this is a time to make sure our mental and emotional health is on point!

It is proven that the sun’s light and rays emit energy that revitalize our body to get us going. Take a moment to think about it. Do you work night shift and try to sleep during midday, or have you tried to fall back asleep at dawn after waking up to go to the bathroom? It sometimes takes a little while right? Well the sun functions as a natural alarm clock to let our body know it’s time to get up and go! (just Google it)

When fall swoops in and winter slowly begins to show it’s face, many people — especially those who are elderly or live alone — may find themselves more subject to depression or the strong need for companionship. I know this because this was literally my entire last two years of high school. My mood would change for no good reason and I was sad seemingly ALL OF THE TIME. I could be the bubbliest person at school and church, but deep inside my hormones and emotions were off kilter. At first I thought this bundle of confusion came with “that time of the month” (because let’s face it, that’s part of being a growing woman) but I felt down and alone literally from September to March like clockwork. That’s when I knew it was more than just a visit from Aunt Flo. After some research I realized that my rollercoastering emotions were due to the lack of sun and abundance of cold in my environment. During the summer I was happy and ready to take on the world…but once that fall wind hit, I just wanted to be snuggled up in the house with my own personal stash of sun rays to help me BE HAPPY.

Does any of this sound familiar? Some people refer to this as “cuffing season” where your need and cravings to not feel alone cause you to enter into RELATIONS with people you really have no interest in, in an effort to escape feeling alone.

Now that I’m coming onto the third decade of my life, I’m aware and know how to spiritually and physically combat the frigid cold; I want to share with you some of the ways that have helped me along the years:

#1 – Eat healthy. 

I don’t always get it right, but I make sure I eat at the proper times, and eat healthy during the winter. Whether it’s homemade chili or soup, or whatever — I make sure I comfort myself with good food rather than a “good time”. I’m not sure why, but it seems in season fruits, vegetables, and proteins tend to help you stay focused on church, work, and daily activities.

#2 – Exercise.

If you know me, you know I’m not America’s next gladiator, but I do make an effort to at least fit in a little running when it’s cold outside. No matter how much it may exhaust me, staying active helps release endorphins to keep me peppy. I always feel accomplished and better about myself when I’m done. When I’m not active and fall into the couch after work, it’s easier for my mind to start wandering and pondering on things I have no business pondering. Stay active and keep your mind focused. A 2005 study from Harvard University suggests walking fast for about 35 minutes a day five times a week or 60 minutes a day three times a week improved symptoms of mild to moderate depression.

#3 – Hang Out.

Again, when it’s cold outside (ESPECIALLY if you’re single like I am) you really want to just stay inside and watch movies while taking the occasional nap. I’ve learned the hard way that this does nothing but isolate me from the outside world and make it harder for my soul to be revitalized and energized by fellowship. Sure I may not be able to go have a picnic in the park, but I try to make an effort to see my friends or talk to my family at least once a week. Regardless of how exhausted I may feel from every day responsibilities. After every conversation and every visit I always feel better and don’t feel as alone as I could’ve felt if I would have allowed the cold to block me off from civilization! Netflicks is nice, but it doesn’t replace human contact. If you MUST stay inside, put on some happy music and have a virtual party. Google Chat is becoming more popular so it’s easy to connect with others to have a good time. If everyone is busy, reorganize your house while jamming your tail off!

#4 Read and Research.

This may seem a bit on the boring side but hear (I mean read) me out! When it’s frigid outside and I feel a little “ho hum” , I start brainstorming about my future. I don’t just whip out a notebook of random scribbles; but I actually take some time to focus on figuring out what it is I’m good at and how I can do more of it. Try it! Start sketching out a business plan or researching degrees if you’re thinking about going back to school. Shoot, write about how you feel day to day …. look at Tina Campbell, she got a book AND an album out of her journals. I use this “cuffing season time” to grow in God and grow my dreams.

All of these tips have been great in helping me stay focused and happy, hopefully it’ll do the same for you! Now don’t miss me when I say NOTHING replaces the joy of knowing and having a relationship with God Almighty Jesus Christ, but these are some practical, physically tangible things you can do to ward off the “downies”. I want to add one last thing, if you know anyone who is elderly or lives alone, take some time to call them or send them a card. I’m telling you it will mean the most! If you want to do more, volunteer at the soup kitchen or Good Will, helping others will not only allow you to connect with people who need it, but also feel good about YOUR OWN life and help you stay grateful for the life you have.

Do you have any suggestions of your own?! Leave them in the comments section. I’d LOVE to read them!

Be blessed,

  • Joc

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Prison vs. Harvard in an Unlikely Debate

Prison vs. Harvard in an Unlikely Debate

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15 Things to Remember If You Love A Woman Used to Being Alone and On Her Own

This morning as I was lamenting over the homemade honey-granola yogurt I left on the kitchen counter, I came across an article by relationship pro and Essence Magazine’s Modern Day Matchmaker Paul Brunson. In it was a list of 15 facts for men to know if they are dating or interested in loving a woman who is used to being alone and on her own.

As a woman who is single and used to being on her own, I can say that whenever I start dating someone again, most of these may ring true. Not saying it’s a good thing, but he should know that these are some things we will need to recognize early on so we can navigate life together. Being alone then suddenly finding yourself with another human being’s feelings to consider is a MAJOR shocker! You have to relearn things all over again! Enough of my chatter, check out what author AMY JOHNSON had to say……


15 Things to Remember If You Love A Woman Used to Being Alone and On Her Own

Do you love a woman who is used to being on her own? While you may be used to being around people and going to your friends after a hard day, this independent woman is used to relying on herself. She can have fun by herself, but she can also have a lot of fun with you – check out 15 things to remember if you love a woman who is used to being on her own.

1. She Is Emotionally Strong
She is used to relying on herself, so she is emotionally strong. She can fight her own battles, and while this may seem intimidating initially, you will appreciate her strength when either of you go through a difficult time.

2. She Will Be Reserved At The Beginning
To start with, she will be reserved about the things that are important to her. However, the more you get to know her, the more you will find out. When she is fully open with you, you can be proud to be one of the very few people she chooses to be close to.

3. She Likes To Do Her Own Thing
As she spends time alone regularly, she has picked up hobbies and activities that she enjoys doing alone, like running or reading. Be proud of her for her interests, and encourage her to keep pursuing them.

4. She Isn’t Used To Relying On Other People
She may struggle with letting you do things for her, as she isn’t used to other’s looking out for her. However, that isn’t to say she doesn’t like relying on other people; she probably does, it will just take her a while to get used to it.

5. She Likes It When Things Go Her Way
She will be stubborn when you two disagree, and she will fight to get her way. Sometimes she will win, and sometimes you will – which makes a healthy, fair relationship.

6. She May Want To Take Things Slowly
She isn’t used to being with someone so often, so she won’t want to jump in the deep end straight away. Don’t be pushed away by this – she likes you a lot, but it is a big lifestyle change for her. A woman that is used to being alone might want to take things more slowly than you are used to — but she is worth it.

7. She Still Enjoys Time Alone
She is used to spending time alone and she enjoys that time, so she won’t give it up. You are still very important to her, but she will still need alone time in order to regroup.

8. She May Be Unsure About Your Feelings Towards Her
She isn’t the kind of person who is regularly in relationships, so she may be unsure about your feelings for her. She may question your feelings, but only because this is new territory for her.

9. She Will Take Time To Open Up Emotionally
She won’t tell you her life story and all of her problems straight away, because she is a pretty private person. She will open up over time, but right now she is simply focusing on enjoying her time with you.

10. She May Worry About How Much She Likes You
At the beginning, she may withdraw from you for a while. This isn’t because she doesn’t like you; she just wants to assess her feelings and decide what she wants.

11. Her Trust Must Be Earned
This woman does not trust everyone and anything – it takes time and patience to earn her trust. However, once she does trust you, she will trust you fully.

12. She Is Headstrong
She is headstrong and is used to running her life efficiently without any help. This strength is admirable, and it means she never depend on you for everything.

13. She May Not Need You, But She Wants You
At the beginning, she isn’t spending time with you because she feels like she needs you. She knows she just wants to enjoy your company at this point – but with time and patience, you may grow to need each other.

14. She May Be Wary Of Commitment
Commitment can be scary to all of us; you are giving someone the power to hurt you or leave you. However, she is willing to push past her fears and wander into the unknown together.

15. She Is Used To Being Alone
Her natural comfort zone is being alone, and being alone will always be comforting to her. You can love her for a lifetime, and she will always enjoy being alone. Let her be alone when she wants to be, and be proud of her independence.

What did you think of this list? Do you agree?

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5 Things Marriage Has Taught Me ( by Saviela Edwards Thorne)

What is Marriage?

A new marriage is like a blank page staring at you. It’s ready for you to write your story on it. Its new, fresh and the beginning of something so beautiful only if we allow God to be the author. Many times we rush to the altar because we believe in our minds and our heart that this is “The One” without consulting God. Marriage is ordained and created by the one true God and an institution that the devil with all his might is trying to destroy. A Godly Marriage is not just for two people who desire to be married but it’s an example of the fellowship between God and His people.

The Design of Marriage:

The unity of marriage is a visual representation of the kingdom of God. As God be the head, the husband being the covering (head over the home) and the wife is the teacher and nurturer of her children (Ephesians 5:23). God’s design in marriage was never for the woman to be the head of over the man. The Garden of Eden is where the deconstruction of the unity of marriage began when Adam allowed his wife, Eve to doubt what God told him. Eve over stepped her boundary by manipulating the word of God to get what she wanted from Adam. Isn’t this just like some wives today to try to change up the situation and to manipulate their husbands to do what they want him to do instead of following the original plan. Since the original plan was destroyed through curiosity, lust and greed, the word of God clearly tells the woman, “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee”  Genesis 3:16.  Only when we as wives decide to completely submit to our husbands as our husbands completely submit to God will we find a sense of peace in our homes and spirits. married couple


Ephesians 5:33, “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband”

This is one word that I completely failed at when I was first married. I thought I knew what it was to RESPECT my husband unfortunately I didn’t. I fought against him and what he would ask me to do if I didn’t see it his way. I became Eve. It wasn’t until I was convicted in my spirit that I realized I was so wrong and I sinned against God and my husband by not RESPECTING him. Once I submitted my will to my husband as he submitted his will to God, then there was harmony and unity and we begin to see God work in miraculous ways. God opened doors for us that no man can shut. He proved to us that in order for him to work through us, we must first SUBMIT to Him. This is by no means a bad word. To me, it’s a beautiful word because it shows me how much strength I have to submit my will and way to another. This is just like God all he wants us to do is submit to him so he can work through us.

Marriage is not designed just to make you Happy

I’ve heard so many couples separate or divorce their spouse because they just weren’t “Happy” with them anymore. Happiness is based on what is currently happening. If happiness is the goal in marriage then what happens when we can’t stand each other? Is that grounds for divorce? There are going to be times in marriage when you are frustrated with each other for whatever reason. It’s important FORGIVE and to move forward quickly in order for you to remain in good standing with the Lord and each other as stated in St. Matthew 6:14-15, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” The longer a situation is delayed the longer the devil has to come in and work on your mind. We are instructed to leave NO space for the devil (Ephesians 4:26-27).  What are some reasons why couples become unhappy and grow apart? In some cases, they allow the spark of romance to decease and find other things to occupy their time and energy rather than spending quality time with their spouse. Sometimes it can be career, children or even the ministry. God desire is for there to be unity within the marriage because with unity there is strength. He wants us to grow together in him which will in turn cause us to grow together with each other. He also wants us to fulfill each other’s needs in all area “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs” 1 Corinthians 7:3 NLT. *Side note* Here are a few ways to bring back the romance in a marriage: reminisce on the time when you were courting, look at old pictures together, give each other a massage, take a trip together just the two of you, go on a date, surprise each other with your favorite things, just simply tell each other what you love about each other and remember it’s the little things that counts.

Never Give Up

Please take a moment to read the New Living Translation version of I Corinthians 13:4-8 with your spouse. The verse that brought me to repentance was verse 7 )”Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” God is so faithful even when we aren’t. His love is continual even in our consistent sin. I’m so glad I never gave up on my husband when we went through our tough times and he didn’t give up on me and I am even more grateful that Christ didn’t give up on both of us and kept us together.

These are just a few things out of the many things I’ve learned in my short time being married to my wonderful husband. We are not perfect but we are definitely perfect for each other. Handcrafted and designed by God just for one another. Our prayer is for God to continue to do His will in our lives and allow our marriage to be an example of his perfect love for His Church.

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Fourth Blood Moon: A Blessing and a Warn

Fourth Blood Moon: A Blessing and a Warning

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When The Christian Walk is Not Easy

When The Christian Walk is Not Easy

By  | February 3, 2015


Early in my Christian walk I had a real issue with guilt and shame. Not with past sins, but rather the ones I committed after I became a Christian. My reasoning was that after becoming a Christian I should be perfect, that after confessing my sins to God and inviting Christ into my heart, I had to keep up the standard of purity God had given me. Of course I know now that my purity is God -given through Christ and Jesus’ gift of salvation to me can never be tainted or taken away because of my bad behaviour. It is not based on my merit or my performance level but it is based on Jesus’ one, true, complete and holy sacrifice. But back then, it killed me inside whenever I made a mistake. If I cursed, acted wild, gossiped or did anything I thought was out of character for a Daughter of the King to do I felt such a depressing feeling of guilt. I used to watch “church girls” in all the finery on Sunday mornings, hair perfect, dresses posh and so sure of themselves I always thought “I’ll never be as “good” as them” – thinking they had a quality of perfection in God that I could never attain. I knew that Christ died for my sins, I knew that I was washed clean because of Him and I knew I had everlasting life because of Jesus’ sacrifice but I could not absorb that truth because I was so preoccupied trying to be perfect. It drove me to a place of anxiety, self-righteousness and rigidity, without me even realizing it. I was never able to enjoy Christianity and the freedom from sin that it bought. I was never able to rest, counting my mistakes and “hiding” from God when guilt and shame took over. Looking back it was a slippery slope and I had gone down that slope all on my own. God never said He would leave me, He said the opposite. He never said He would throw me out of His kingdom if I sinned, He knew I needed Him and He sent His Son to fix everything, every problem, every mistake, every sin, every bad thought, every bad action I did or will ever do. If you are in a place now where you feel undeserved for God’s love and sacrifice, broken and guilt for the life you have been leading as a Christian – then Jesus welcomes you with open arms. “My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise” Psalm 51:17. God to His very core loves us all and He is ready to remove any barrier that separates us from Him – even our own doubts, fears and sin.  “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” Romans 8:38. I am happy to say now that I am not where I used to be in my Christian walk. I make mistakes – really dumb ones and every now and then I have to slow down and remember that God loves me through it all. I KNOW in my heart that I need Jesus and when you have that kind of realization that He loves all and forgives all, you will never, ever be the same. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Cor 13: 4-8.

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