Category Archives: The Christian Life

SEX: The fight your flesh does not want to win (Commentary)

So this morning while eating breakfast I came across a blog post on a friend’s social media page titled: SEX: The fight your flesh does not want to win. I immediately knew that this was something I wanted to read.

I’m so glad I did.

If you’ve followed my blog for awhile, you’ll learn a few things about my story; one being I am a woman practicing celibacy after sex. Though it’s gotten somewhat easier over time, it’s still a struggle to stay sexually pure … ESPECIALLY since everything and [seemingly] everyone around us advocates for the antithesis. Yet, being a Christian doesn’t require you to be “in the crowd” or always agree with popular opinion. CELIBATE

This brings me to the blog.

Now that I’m on the other side of sex, I can say with a sober mind that it’s harder to stop than it is to abstain. Once you know the experience, it’s tougher to stop than it is to hold on to the V-Card (while that’s a challenge in its own right.) It’s not impossible though. Lyss (the author) does a fantastic job laying it out in her blog post. It’s a daily journey and it takes work and care — even if it seems extreme, do what you have to do for YOU! I’m still single so I’m not going to say at the end of the journey God will bless you with the best husband ever or a satisfying sex life after marriage, but I DO know, it will bring you closer to God and help you date with a CLEAR mind and CLEAR heart. Enough of my chitter chatter, take a look at the post below:

 

-Be blessed, Joc

Your stomach balls up, clenched by shame and regret.

You never thought you would get to this point… Your mind races back to the first moments as you scramble to figure out why and how this could have happened.

This person wasn’t you… It’s not who you are supposed to be and it certainly was never who you sought out to be.

 

You’re panicked.

 

You remain silent.

 

The pattern repeats.

 

You are convinced that he is the one… We will get married.

You find yourself reasoning. You justify the cost.

You cry.  Silent tears that only you see. Silent tears that want to scream.

 

“HOW?”

How do I escape this? How can I stop?

You think back to the first time you crossed the line…

Every time was easier after that.

You’re ashamed. You’re stuck.

 

You’re not alone…

 

This is the story of many young women.

 

What I am about to say is for the girls who are struggling, lost, and filled with guilt. It’s also for the girl who has never had her first kiss.Because the truth is, no matter who you are, where you come from, or what you believe— purity is one of the hardest things you will commit to do.

 

First, friends, please understand this: No matter your physical past, you are NOT stuck. If you want forgiveness, it’s yours. Jesus gives it freely and He has His arms wide open to envelope you in love. Please do not live in the prison of shame.

Colossians 1:14 (MSG) says, “God rescued us from dead-end alleys and dark dungeons. He’s set us up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much, the Son who got us out of the pit we were in, got rid of the sins we were doomed to keep repeating.”

 

Wherever you are, know that my heart is to see you have the most beautiful relationship that glorifies Jesus, and because of this I am willing to challenge you to get there.

Before you even enter a relationship I want you to come face-to-face with the reality of three things:

 

  1. (If you are alive in this world) you WILL be tempted with sexual sin.
  2. EVERYTHING, good and bad, in a relationship starts small.
  3. Without a plan, you will not succeed.

 

The battle of purity is the fight your flesh does not want to win.

How can we realistically save ourselves for marriage when we know the world tells us “it’s okay”?

How can we actively fight our flesh? And maybe even more important, how can we stop when we have found ourselves crossing lines we never intended to cross?

No one is immune to falling into sexual sin. I sure wasn’t. It was a battle to stay pure at every new season in my relationship with Austyn. We had to be intentional and prepared and even though it was hard, I can tell you today – it’s so worth it.

In just a few days we will be getting married… Waiting was hard— there is no doubt about that. But what God has for us in marriage is beautiful.

Here are six things that helped us win the battle for purity, and I know it will help you too.

1. PUT JESUS FIRST IN YOUR LIFE. 

You always hear people say “Keep Jesus at the center of your relationship.”

But what does that actually look like?

Putting Jesus at the center of your relationship will not happen unless you both are putting Him first, daily, in your own personal lives.

When you pursue a relationship with Jesus and put Him first, you are laying down your own flesh and selfish desires before you ever run into temptation. Check your heart.

How can you fight if you are spiritually running on empty?

 

2. KNOW YOUR “WHY”.

Why do you believe in not having sex before marriage? Do you actually know?

Genuinely ask yourself this question! It’s okay to realize that you may not have a good answer. You have identified a weak spot beforehand, now you can go find answers!

The Bible tells us very clearly why we should not have sex before marriage, but you need to seek those answers in the Word on your own so they can be real to you.

 

3. YOU ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION, YOU ARE THE RULE. 

We cannot allow room for ANY evil, or even the appearance of evil. No matter what. Even if you know 100% that “We would never do that.”

This lie we tell ourselves is the perfect opportunity for the devil to come in.

Is it worth it? Nope.

Here is the truth: You are not superwoman with your ability to battle temptations, and you can’t treat yourself as such.

For instance, when Austyn and I began dating we made a rule that being alone in a house together was not an option. This was decided before we even kissed, so why should it matter? If we hadn’t even kissed we certainly would not be tempted to have sex.

Fast forward a year later – if we had not set that boundary early on, we could easily have fallen into temptation… Because I am not superwoman. I am a young woman who is capable of falling into temptation like anyone else.

Always treat yourself as the rule, never the exception, and you will be helping your future self.

4. SET UNWAVERING BOUNDARIES. 

A common thing I tell girls, who have found themselves crossing boundaries they never thought they would cross, is to “Put the line down where it hurts.”

If you find yourself crossing boundaries in a car, maybe you need to save the kissing for when you’re out of the car. If something “hurts” to cut out, that can be a good indication that you should draw a line and make a new boundary. Boundaries can be added, but they should never be taken away.

The truth is, if you move it even a little bit you will find it easy to disregard your boundaries altogether. And to be honest, that is exactly what will happen.

5. GET ACCOUNTABILITY.

Nope, your accountability partner is not your boyfriend or fiancé.

You need someone from the outside who can see things clearer than you and who will boldly ask you the uncomfortable questions.

Oh yeah. The questions you hope they will not ask, but need them to.

The healthy fear of knowing someone will check up on you will help you in hard moments. Make sure you trust your accountability partner and verbally give them permission to ask the hard questions.

It is so powerful to have someone running alongside you and cheering you on!

6. PHYSICALLY PACE YOURSELF.

This one is the hardest for people to apply…

Why? Because it requires being honest with yourself and, typically, doing the opposite of what you want.

I can tell you from personal experience – this is the most critical step, next to your relationship with Jesus. Where are you headed, physically?

If you’re dating, let’s assume that you have plans (or, at least in your head) for marriage.

 

Are you in school?

How many years do you have before you both can make that commitment?

Do you even want to get married soon?

 

Let’s say that you think you will get married in 2-3 years or have at least two years before you would even consider marriage.

You have already been dating for a few months and the likelihood that you will have your first kiss soon is very high. If you kiss now, and still have a while of dating left, do you think you are physically pacing yourself for success?

Are you going to be able to handle that level of temptation in the long run? If you are human, the odds are against you because the truth is the longer you wait, the harder it becomes.

The reason I am asking the hard questions, and challenging you to do the hard things, is because not falling into sexual sin before marriage IS HARD.

But, I know you can do it….

 

This week I will walk down the aisle and marry the man of my dreams. I remember when I was young and I made the decision to wait and give everything to my husband.

I waited.

He waited.

And together we fought to wait.

 

Even if you have struggled with sexual sin in the past, what the devil meant for shame, hurt, and brokenness, can be redeemed. God wants your story to be beautiful.

Waiting is worth it. The fight is worth it. Saying no now is actually saying an ecstatic “YES” later on.

Always cheering you on,

Lyss

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What An Old Testament Shunammite Woman Taught Me About Discretion.

This morning I read the entire fourth chapter of 2 Kings in its entirety. I don’t always read whole chapters, but today, I just could not seem to put my bible down.

After wrapping up, I had a revelation about the Shunammite woman that I don’t believe I’ve had before. In the text, her preteen/teenaged son apparently suffered a stroke or an aneurysm, and once he died in her arms, she made a b-line to Elisha — the man of God who prophesied that God would even give her a son in the first place. The ENTIRE TIME, from the moment she decided to go to get Elisha up until the boy was raised back to life, she said “all is well” or “everything is fine” when people asked how she was doing — despite the fact that her son just died. I know people give a lot of flack when Christians “pretend” that everything is fine when things are falling apart and I always thought this woman was doing the same thing….BUT The LORD revealed to me this morning that she wasn’t “faking” at all. She was in all actuality practicing wise discretion.

TRUTH: We all go through crazy events and trials that make us feel hopeless and afraid YET we need not “waste” our precious strength sharing our every woe with EVERYone. That was the key difference between the Shunammite woman and those Christians who act like life is all sprinkles & unicorns. This woman was no fake. She had a need and knew where to get it filled. She didn’t spend precious seconds risking being thrown off her mission by telling people who couldn’t help her her problems. She basically told them, she was alright and kept it moving. She didn’t say “fantastic” or “magnificent” — just alright. Then The Holy Spirit said to me, “Jocelyn, THAT is how you need to be. That is how God TRULY wants His children to act. Not fake and phony, but not sulky and or sluggish. YAHWEH is the first one Who you should tell your problems too — not friends or social media! Some people may have good intentions but will ultimately do nothing but damage your faith that God can fix your problem. Yes, God gives you a trusted few to physically vent – but remember keyword FEW!”

That revelation floored me. The Holy Spirit was absolutely right (he always is for that matter.lol) The Shunammite woman didn’t even go into great detail with her own HUSBAND when he asked why she was hurrying to see Elisha. She simply said “everything is alright, I’m going anyway” and she was on her way.  To have a drama-less life, guard your mouth and only share your issues with people GOD gives you peace about. That may be ONE person in the entire world and that’s okay.

I plan to make changes to be more like the Shunammite woman and guard my mouth. Be careful who I tell your business to, and be careful who I share my prayer life with. Sometimes the conversation will just need to be between myself and God as I seek my healing, restoration, blessing or whatever I may be in need of at the time. And that’s okay.

Be Blessed, Joc

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Are You an Ancient Israelite in Disguise?

Around 2013 I decided to really get serious about Bible reading. For some of you reading this you may have just blurted out loud….

“But you’re a Christian Joc, you’re supposed to take the bible seriously and read it!” You were probably also sporting one of these faces…..

— and what you may (or may not have) just blurted out is a valid response; yet the sad truth is, as society becomes more corrupt, the days become more hectic, and people become more comfortable with seeking selfish pleasures to “get away from it all” — SERIOUS bible reading (reading to actually understand it and apply it to real life) often takes a back seat….if it doesn’t end up getting thrown into the trunk out the gate.

Back to 2013…..

I decided if I was going to understand the story of the world and all that jazz, I needed to start from page one and read a little each day. I was able to successfully do this until I got to the book of Ezra, when I found myself getting a little off track. Life circumstances and changes caused me to lose focus and skip all the way into the New Testament. Well now it’s 2017 and I’ve decided to start back at the beginning and uncover what I missed before. Today, I was reading Numbers chapter 11 and I was hit with a spiritual revelation!

Up until now (Genesis-Numbers), the ancient Israelites were oppressed in brutal slavery for 400 years, miraculously freed from Egypt, graciously given food from Heaven, and yet reeked of ungratefulness! Here’s what I read:

1 Now the people complained about their hardships in the hearing of the Lord, and when he heard them his anger was aroused. Then fire from the Lord burned among them and consumed some of the outskirts of the camp. 2 When the people cried out to Moses, he prayed to the Lord and the fire died down. 3 So that place was called Taberah, because fire from the Lord had burned among them.

4 The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, “If only we had meat to eat! 5 We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost—also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. 6 But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!”

7 The manna was like coriander seed and looked like resin. 8 The people went around gathering it, and then ground it in a hand mill or crushed it in a mortar. They cooked it in a pot or made it into loaves. And it tasted like something made with olive oil. 9 When the dew settled on the camp at night, the manna also came down.

10 Moses heard the people of every family wailing at the entrance to their tents. The Lord became exceedingly angry, and Moses was troubled. 11 He asked the Lord, “Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me? 12 Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth? Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms, as a nurse carries an infant, to the land you promised on oath to their ancestors? 13 Where can I get meat for all these people? They keep wailing to me, ‘Give us meat to eat!’ 14 I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. 15 If this is how you are going to treat me, please go ahead and kill me—if I have found favor in your eyes—and do not let me face my own ruin.”

That sounds like a lot of us, doesn’t it?! We literally beg God to give us a miracle, then when He performs it, we get bored or tired of it, then want something bigger and better — totally ungrateful for the blessing we literally JUST received! 

When the ancient Israelites first stepped out Egypt they were complaining, but when God delivered them via the Red Sea they changed their tune. They were glad to be out of slavery….until a little time passed and they got hungry. They went to Moses so he could ask God to send them food — BOOM — God drops manna from heaven and brings on a horde of quail for them to eat. They’re happy again….until they reach Mount Sinai and get bored again. They TOTALLY disregard the Living God Who LITERALLY just performed miracles out of nowhere and began making an idol to worship like they were back in Egypt. FACEPALM!!! Over and over they find themselves running on the hamster wheel of being grateful-ungrateful-satisfied-not satisfied …… it’s no wonder they stayed in the wilderness so long…. how could God trust the first generation Israelites with the Promise Land if they couldn’t even be satisfied with the starter blessings God had already showered them with!?!

EXACTLY.

Take a moment to think about everything in your life. Your job. Your home. Your mode of transportation. Your health. Your finances. Your love life. Your family.

Are you praying for and expecting God to give you more, but still missing the fact that you’re a smidge ungrateful for what you already have?

Take this lady I know:

She graduated from college between 2008 -2010 when the economy was plummeting and there were literally no good paying jobs available. She didn’t know how she was going to pay her loans, let alone survive. She didn’t know how she was going to afford rent, food, gas — ANYTHING! She prayed for a job and in less than 2 months was called by an old employer from high school asking if she needed a job. Sure she had to move back home and stay with her parents…sure she had no desire to work in the field she formally worked in…sure her paycheck was small and she was technically living below the poverty level — but she had a job, no rent payment, and enough to cover her bills.  She was grateful! NOW fast forward 5 years later and she’s still working the same job. Though she filled out what seemed like a billion applications, she wasn’t able to find a job paying more money, or a position in the field she wanted to work in. She was MISERABLE! She was barely getting by juggling paying her bills and trying to maintain some sort of social life. She slowly became discontent, overly stressed, and despised the very thing she asked God for — her job!

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In her eyes, her job was holding her back from the life she was truly destined to live. It hurt her to wake up every day, racking her brain on why it seemed career opportunities were passing her by, while the cost of living was going up! I’m happy to report that now, while it’s still a struggle, she’s more content with the blessings of having her basic needs taken care of and she hasn’t given up on her dreams. She’s just a little more thankful.

That woman developed the attitude of an Ancient Israelite and didn’t even realize it. I’m not God but I would dare say God hasn’t blessed her with anything more YET because it’s not the right time (He’s got something grand marinating behind the scenes) AND because her posture towards the blessings she’s already afforded still isn’t quite right. Like the Ancient Israelites, it’s quite possible that God is not giving her ALL of the blessings she could be getting because her attitude isn’t ready for it. Let’s say He was to give her the job of her dreams now, she’d probably tire of that too and start complaining about how much work it is or about how it’s not like her old job! I don’t know for sure, but it’s certainly a thought.

Take some time (as mentioned above) to reflect on your life and pray about it. Ask God to reveal any way you’re being ungrateful. Take time to thank Him for what He’s given you. Even if you don’t have as much money as you’d like, travel as much as you’d like, have the relationship or marriage that you’d like — you’re still blessed and God will supply ALL of your needs! Just continue to be thankful!

Be blessed,

Joc

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1 Good Reason God May Remove Someone From Your Life

This afternoon, I was perusing my FB timeline for content when I happened upon a post from The Praying Woman. It was adequately titled, “3 Reasons God May Remove Someone From Your Life”.

As I clicked on the link to prepare myself to for a nice, quick read, I found myself scrolling over the times in my life where friends or significant others seemed to float right on out the picture. For some instances, the reasoning was clear, but for others, not so much. When I read down to the last reason listed in the article, I found this:

3. Because sometimes our loved ones become more of a distraction than our enemies. This is God’s way of keeping us focused.

Today, I ask you this: Where does God fit in your life? Is He #1, #2, #3, or a better question would be… Is He even a priority in your life at all?

Sometimes we place our relationship with God on the back burner without even realizing it. We don’t give it our all like we do everything else.

Try not to be so focused on earthly relationships that you forget about your relationship with God. Switch the energy you’re currently putting into your distractions and refocus it where it’s needed, on Him!

You know those times where you have a “feeling” you might be right about a situation but talk yourself into thinking you’re over analyzing it too much? YES? Then you’ll know that this is exactly what BINGED in my mind when I read this.

A recent loved one who parted ways falls into this category, and not bashing them, but I realized our personalities mixed with the constant need to ‘upkeep’ our friendship/relationship ultimately brought it to a close. I was willing to overlook a few struggles in order to maintain consistent communication while obliviously overlooking the fact that my focus on God was creeping down to 2nd place. I found myself not feeling like my jovial, bubbly, NORMAL self as fear and doubt hopped into the front passenger seat of my life; all the while ignoring the signs that God was sending me.

YOU WILL HAVE NO OTHER GODS BESIDES ME!!!

I was making my friendship/relationship with this person an idol without knowing it and found myself more preoccupied with pleasing them and MAKING myself BE the right companion for them, that I totally ignored God! Yep, it’s a hard thing to admit, but I had to repent because I pushed God aside without even knowing it. I was all up and in works of the flesh trying to MAKE this thing work. That’s why God shut it all down! After a series of arguments and disagreements, this person and I parted ways and almost immediately, an entire ton of feathers lifted! By the time the sun rose, I was almost back to my former self. Sure this person is a great person as a whole, but here me when I tell you God will allow NO ONE to block the works HE desires to do in us. So whether that’s a sibling, friend, significant other, co-worker, even a parent — if we place anyone above God in ANY way, God will show up and cool it down. He’s not a “backburner” God.

So whether you’re doing it intentionally or not, stop making people idols in your life. If you find yourself thinking about them more than God — chances are you’re placing too much importance on them. If you spend all of your time with them (even to the point whether you just go work/school and stay up under them or call them) — then you’re probably making them an idol. There is nothing wrong with a good healthy investment into your relationships, but when it consumes you…. handle it before God does; because He will.

Be blessed, Joc

 

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Ephesians 5 (MSG)

Ephesians 5The Message (MSG)

Wake Up from Your Sleep

1-2 Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.

3-4 Don’t allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices, or bullying greed. Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, those who follow Jesus have better uses for language than that. Don’t talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn’t fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect.

You can be sure that using people or religion or things just for what you can get out of them—the usual variations on idolatry—will get you nowhere, and certainly nowhere near the kingdom of Christ, the kingdom of God.

6-7 Don’t let yourselves get taken in by religious smooth talk. God gets furious with people who are full of religious sales talk but want nothing to do with him. Don’t even hang around people like that.

8-10 You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You’re out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.

11-16 Don’t waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It’s a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ.

Wake up from your sleep,
Climb out of your coffins;
Christ will show you the light!

So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times!

17 Don’t live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants.

18-20 Don’t drink too much wine. That cheapens your life. Drink the Spirit of God, huge draughts of him. Sing hymns instead of drinking songs! Sing songs from your heart to Christ. Sing praises over everything, any excuse for a song to God the Father in the name of our Master, Jesus Christ.

Relationships

21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.

22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

29-33 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.

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Wives Submit to your Husbands…

Ephesians 5 verse 21-33 is a popular piece of scripture that’s almost ALWAYS used in Christian counseling or when giving advice to individuals getting serious about dating for marriage.

Wives submit yourselves to your husbands.

The majority of us tend to stop at there at verse 22 but no one really focuses on what follows in verses 23-25:

“For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.  As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” (NLT version)

This talks about SACRIFICE. Jesus gave His life up for the church.

So yes, a woman should submit herself to her husband BUT he should be making sacrifices for her.

How can a woman be expected to submit to a man that she can’t respect?! The answer is simple. You can’t respect a man who:

  • Cheats with other women
  • Doesn’t work and isn’t out looking for a job
  • Expects his wife to support the family
  • Abuses his wife

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If you’re a guy thinking about marriage or are currently married, you’re not the “man of the house” if you just boss everyone else around! That’s not the way it’s supposed to be! A godly man does SO much more than that! He protects, provides, and sacrifices for his wife and children.

As a man, you only command respect if you:

  • take care of things concerning your family
  • are responsible
  • do what needs to be done so your family is taken care of
  • get out and work (even if your wife makes more than you)
  • are a good parent
  • put your family first

 

Anything else will get a…….

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Ladies catch a lot of flack for their struggle to submit to their husbands (yes I’ll acknowledge by the time we get into relationships we’re used to doing things our way) but rarely are men challenged to adopt a lifestyle that truly reflects a lifestyle worthy of submission.

So if you’re a woman dating a man who constantly cheats on you or abuses you in any way — you need to get out NOW! It’s not going to get better. Marrying him will only bring it out.

If you’re a woman dating a man who is always bouncing from job-to-job because he simply doesn’t want to work or if you’re married to a man who ups and quits his job out of nowhere — get help now! True, women can do these things but shouldn’t be expected to keep the house, raise the kids, AND take care of things outside the house. If you’re a woman who insists on doing that then fine. But just know it shouldn’t be EXPECTED of you if you want your relationship to mirror what God calls it to be. There needs to be balance! A man is not living up to what a true man is if he expects YOU to be the only one holding a steady job and providing for the family as a woman. No ma’am. I’m not knocking him if he makes LESS money than you  — that’s doable — at least he’s showing that he’s willing to work to support his family. But if you’re dating or thinking about marrying a man who just simply refuses to do anything but spend money — GET OUT NOW! If you’re already married GET COUNSELING NOW!!!

If you’re a woman dating or married to a man who expects you to change the tires, mow the lawn, drive the broken down car when he drives the new one, fix the leaky faucet, pay for the meals, pick HIM up and take him to work because he doesn’t feel like driving — GET HELP NOW! This behavior is not worthy of respect. Yeah if you’re married it’s not as easy, but with prayer and ACTION it’s possible for your husband to see where he needs to step up.

If you don’t, then you just signed yourself up for a lifetime of unnecessary stress that you as a wife shouldn’t have to take on.

Please know that this is not to slander men or badmouth them but it’s just something I noticed I thought needed to be addressed.

Be blessed,

Joc

 

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Why Christian Dating/Marriage Is NOT 50/50

Today’s dating/marriage culture is 50/50 which comes from a selfish, faithless mindset. It says, “you have to meet me 50/50 one hundred percent of the time because I have to look out for me and be ready to go the moment you deviate from that.”

That’s fear. That’s lack of faith. Love is the epitome of faith. Two imperfect people CHOOSING to love one another through minor faults and quirks because they’re worth it.

 

If you’re a Christian (a follower of Christ and His teachings, believing that He is the Son of the Living God) you should understand that this is worldly thinking. (See Romans 12:2) As Christians what and WHO we believe by faith won’t make “logical” sense to someone who hasn’t renewed their mind with the faith of God. This is why many out here find themselves bouncing from relationship to relationship; never really committing their heart, in fear of not being able to wholeheartedly trust anyone other than themselves. I admit, I’ve had struggles with that over the years career and relationship wise. I felt that if I — JOCELYN — couldn’t handle something on my own, it wasn’t worth going with that flow. I thought that if I could organize, plan, and execute EVERYTHING in my life EXACTLY the way I thought it should go (despite not having peace about things and having the Holy Spirit nearly rip my sleeve off trying to drag me in the other way) then it wasn’t right for me.

This is a TERRIBLE way of viewing ANYTHING…especially relationships and marriage! Every married couple I know who’s been married for more than 10 years have ALL said that a thriving, godly marriage will never always be 50/50 equally split. There will be times (at any given time) where one spouse will end up sacrificing more for the other. While everyone’s innate concept of sacrifice varies depending on our personal experiences — a sacrifice is made. That’s just one of the reasons why communication is important before and after getting married. It’s vitally important to be on the same page regarding how you expect a godly marriage to operate, how you define sacrifice, and how you receive love.

 

Say your significant other is finishing up school while you’re the only one working full time .. that’s not going to be 50/50. Say one of your parents takes ill or needs help bouncing back from a life upset; you’ll need to be there emotionally for them and may need to visit them for an extended period of time or spot them some money (which will be pulled form your household income) to help them out…..that’s not going to be 50/50.

 

As a Christian woman, I strive to obtain and enjoy God’s best for my life. Period. Over the years I’ve had to grow and renew my old way of thinking to adopt a mindset that some may view as “traditional” or “unfair”. You call it unfair, I call is wise. I don’t want to enter a marriage ignorantly believing that I can have my best life with my future husband while having everything split 50/50 all of the time. I’m learning now that healthy marriages don’t operate like that. Marriage (shoot courtships/relationships period) requires stepping out of your comfort zone and sacrificing some of your comfort to contribute to the relationship working. If that means sacrificing down time after working during the day so I can make sure my future husband has a listening ear or a meal (even if I pick it up on those busy days. lol) that’s something I’ll be willing to sacrifice. If we’re taking a long trip and it’s evident that I’m frazzled or worn down, I expect my future husband to take the wheel to give me some recovery time. There are SO many things that I’ve learned (and still am learning) about God’s intentions for a love that mirrors His. I’m far from perfect, but I thought I’d share a bit on what I’ve learned and what I’ve seen going on around the country and social media.

Blessing, Joc

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