Tag Archives: Black people

5 Ways To Avoid a Rebound Relationship

Though you can probably already tell, I’m a woman who can get around the interweb pretty well. (I like saying interweb) I come across hundreds of articles — some better than others — offer up my commentary, and share it with you all!

This morning while getting ready for work, I get a notification from “THE PRAYING WOMAN” (a Christian woman-based blog I follow) and the subject line read:

Christian Dating: 5 Ways To Avoid a Rebound Relationship

If you’re like me, you’ve had your share of rebound crushes and dating experiences — some of them you wish you could take back. Right?! I KNOW I’m not the only one!

rebound

Anyway, I decided to open it up the link while sitting in the coffeehouse drive thru and thought back to the last ‘rebounder’ I came in contact with. Just to be clear, a ‘rebounder’ doesn’t have to necessarily be looking for an actual relationship. It can simply be an intimate friendship with someone of the opposite sex. I’ve found by observation (and personal experience) that when a person gets out of a relationship, especially if it’s a long term one, they find themselves in the awkward space of going from having constant interaction with the opposite sex to virtually nothing at all. This is when they’ll strike up close friendships with someone of opposite sex to get that one-on-one time they used to have with their ex.

LISTEN to me when I say NO INTIMACY or SEXUALLY based interactions have to occur….. a friendly hug, a playful hand hold, a tussle or fight, a deep conversation — any one of these things can satisfy a ‘rebounder’s’ need for the opposite sex while avoiding actually getting in a relationship. Remember, ‘rebounders’ are never really looking to get into anything serious, but just look for someone to have fun with while they figure out their feelings for their ex. Is it fair to the new person? HECK NO….but it doesn’t stop people from doing it.

SO now that we’ve reestablished the motives of a ‘rebounder’ — I can list the tips the article gave to AVOID being caught up in their wave of sappy Drake songs and ill intended ‘friendly dates’.

1.  Find out how recent their last relationship was. This is a key step in determining whether or not this person is on the rebound. Steer clear of anyone who has ended a relationship within the past three months. They’re probably not ready to jump right into another relationship (even if they think they are) . Some are just looking for someone to help them deal with their recent break-up. [As soon as] you’ve served your purpose, [there will be] no need for you anymore. Sad, but true!

2. Ask them.Don’t be afraid to ask them. Straight out… “I know it hasn’t been long since your breakup. Do you feel like you’re at a place where you’re able to love again?” Make sure you take note of their body language while they’re responding. It will tell you a lot!

3. Pay attention to how often they mention the ex.Even better, what does this person have to say about their ex? If they’re constantly talking about their ex (even if it’s in a bad way) , they’re still emotionally attached.It’s probably a good idea to give this person space to sort out their feelings before pursuing anything further.

4. Listen to how they talk to you.If they rarely mention anything about the the two of you as far as a future, or seems as though they’re constantly keeping their options open even though they are supposed to be in a relationship with you, then there’s a good chance, they’re rebounding. They might enjoy your company but isn’t ready for a commitment.

5. Evaluate how they treat you.If they constantly want to be intimate, even after you have made it painfully clear, NO SEX, yet they don’t want to take you out on a real date or invest quality time to really get to know you, this person is probably rebounding.

You can read this article in its entirety here at : http://theprayingwoman.com/2015/01/30/christian-dating-5-ways-to-avoid-a-rebound-relationship/  ** image also courtesy of theprayingwoman.com

Blessings,

– Joc

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Bow Wow FIRED for Using Company Funds for Child Support **LESSON**

According to ( http://creambmp.com/articles/bow-wow-fired-106-park-using-company-card-pay-child-support/ ), Bow Wow; aka Shad Moss, has been fired from his job as host of BET’s 106 & Park. Why you ask? Because apparently he used a company card (that was supposed to be used for clothes and travel) to pay his $30,000 child support bill to his baby’s mother Joie Chavis.

Although this has been cleared as a rumor,there ares still lessons to be learned.

This isn’t the first time a person of color has gotten into some sticky situations misusing company funds. Last November, new bride La’Reese Darville was accused of using her father’s company credit cards to finance her $50,000 wedding and arrested shortly after her wedding day. I’m not going to get into the discussion of whether Bow Wow or Darville KNEW the wrong in what they were doing, but what I will comment on is the need for young people and people of color to do their research and be smart with their money!

black_blo_caro_page-bg_34059If you are in your 20s, 30s, or are a person of color you must develop some sense of CREDIT CARD MANAGEMENT! Not speaking on Bow and the runaway bride specifically, but you need to be aware of what you are spending and WHAT you’re spending it on. I think people forget that a credit card does not equal free, liquid money….you have to pay that money back! So if you are working for a company and they give you a card to use for a very specific purpose, it is IMPERATIVE that you stick to that. You might be tempted to take some “money out the pot” and put it back it, but if you want to prevent slip ups and stay out of trouble, it’s best to avoid using company funds for uses other than the ones they allow.

Secondly people of color HAVE TO…HAVE TO….HAVE TO be aware of the fact that they ARE a person of color!! Meaning: that because of our country’s history, you will be looked at more closely by EVERYONE. As a person of color you (on the basic level of someone’s mind) will be EXPECTED to cheat, steal, bootleg, and cut corners. I’m not saying that people who are white or European don’t do these things, but unfortunately, as a person of color, there will be someone (whether they are white or black) who will be waiting for you to mess up. SO it’s important to not think you are some big Fat Cat exec who can manipulate the system and get away with it. Just follow the rules and play it cool. It would almost have been better for Bow Wow to BORROW that child support money from someone or just be late and suffer the consequences — hey, at least he’d be trying. He NEEDED this hosting gig…and when I say need, I mean it in THEEEE worst way! Now he’s betrayed the trust of the company who didn’t count him out and he’s left without a job and STILL has to find a way to pay that child support.

blackcard

The last thing I think would have saved Bow Wow and La’Reese Darville some face is if they would have scaled down their expenses. FACE IT. Because of our social history and culture, people of color often associate extravagant tastes with status.THAT’S HOW YOU GO BROKE!Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses and catch fire later! If Bow Wow was cranking out the hits like he was when he had the ‘Lil’ in front of his name, oh yes, he and his Black Card could probably afford to support a whole slew of children. But now that Bow’s hype has dwindled over these past years, and the demand for his is less than impressive; he should have eaten all of that humble pie life laid out for him and regroup his focus. That’s how Tia and Tamera did it. That’s how Charlie Wilson did it. Fame is not guaranteed so you have to be smart. If you take a pay cut, you need to downsize to accommodate your income. There is nothing wrong with trading in Louis Vuitton for Express. Shoot as long as you have a clean place to lay your head and clean clothes on your body you are good! There is nothing wrong with eating Hibachi Express either! When you get to the place that you can comfortably spend a little extra on splurge items — by all means, do it! Just don’t stretch your pocket to maintain a lifestyle that isn’t NECESSARY to survive.

blackfinance

To sum everything up, Bow should have been wiser with his money. He should have consulted a lawyer, trustworthy friend, or EVEN BET finance officers JUST to make sure he was able to legally do what he did.

Whatever the case…this is a MAJOR lesson learned.

– Joc

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“The System” – piece by Prentice Powell

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White Writer Says “They (Black People) Are Still Our Slaves”…Is He Right?

CBS’ Dee Lee recieved a letter almost 10 years ago from an [unnamed] white author who had a mouthful to say about African Americans and Finance. Though these may not be Dee Lee’s personal views, she decided to read this aloud on her radio show. Here’s how the transcript of the letter reads:

Dee Lee, CFP
Harvard Financial Educators

Dee Lee

THEY ARE STILL OUR SLAVES We can continue to reap profits from the
Blacks without the effort of physical slavery Look at the current
methods of containment that they use on themselves: IGNORANCE, GREED,
and SELFISHNESS.

Their IGNORANCE is the primary weapon of containment. A great man once
said, “The best way to hide something from Black people is to put it in a book.” We now live in the Information Age. They have gained the opportunity to read any book on any subject through the efforts of their fight for freedom, yet they refuse to read. There are numerous books readily available at Borders, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.com, not to mention their own Black Bookstores that provide solid blueprints to reach economic equality (which should have been their fight all along),
but few read consistently, if at all.

GREED is another powerful weapon of containment. Blacks, since the abolition of slavery, have had large amounts of money at their disposal. Last year they spent 10 billion dollars during Christmas, out of their 450 billion dollars in total yearly income (2.22%).

Any of us can use them as our target market, for any business venture we care to dream up, no matter how outlandish, they will buy into it. Being ! primarily a consumer people, they function totally by greed. They continually want more, with little thought for saving or investing.

They would rather buy some new sneaker than invest in starting a business. Some even neglect their children to have the latest Tommy or FUBU, And they still think that having a Mercedes, and a big house gives them
“Status” or that they have achieved their Dream.

They are fools! The vast majority of their people are still in poverty
because their greed holds them back from collectively making better
communities.

With the help of BET, and the rest of their black media that often
broadcasts destructive images into their own homes, we will continue to
see huge profits like those of Tommy and Nike. (Tommy Hilfiger has even
jeered them, saying he doesn’t want their money, and look at how the
fools spend more with him than ever before!). They’ll continue to show
off to each other while we build solid communities with the profits
from our businesses that we market to them.

SELFISHNESS, ingrained in their minds through slavery, is one of the
major ways we can continue to contain them. One of their own, Dubois
said that there was an innate division in their culture. A “Talented
Tenth” he called it. He was correct in his deduction that there are
segments of their culture that has achieved some “form” of success.
However, that segment missed the fullness of his work. They didn’t read
that the “Talented Tenth” was then responsible to aid The Non-Talented
Ninety Percent in achieving a better life. Instead, that segment has
created another class, a Buppie class that looks down on their people
or aids them in a condescending manner. They will never achieve what we
have. Their selfishness does not allow them to be able to work together
on any project or endeavor of substance. When they do get together,
their selfishness lets their egos get in the way of their goal. Their so-called help organizations seem to only want to promote their name without making any real change in their community.

They are content to sit in conferences and conventions in our hotels,
and talk about what they will do, while they award plaques to the best
speakers, not to the best doers. Is there no end to their selfishness?
They steadfastly refuse to see that TOGETHER EACH ACHIEVES MORE (TEAM)

They do not understand that they are no better than each other because
of what they own, as a matter of fact, most of those Buppies are but
one or two pay checks away from poverty. All of which is under the
control of our pens in our offices and our rooms.

Yes, we will continue to contain them as long as they refuse to re ad,
continue to buy anything they want, and keep thinking they are “helping”
their communities by paying dues to organizations which do little other
than hold lavish conventions in our! hotels . By the way, don’t worry
about any of them reading this letter, remember, ‘THEY DON’T READ!!!!
transcript via http://edgemagazinesite.com/edge-discussion-white-writer-says-still-slaves-right/#

Thinking on where African Americans are today, do you agree with any of what he said? I’m not talking about the TONE in which wrote the letter, but its actual CONTENT.

Do we have more work to do? Will there ever be a time where African Americans country/world wide will be equal in terms of economic and socioeconomic status?

Can we incite our youth to foster a love for reading and educate themselves more on launching businesses, etc?

Share your comments below!

-Joc

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Pastor Infected with HIV Dating on BlackPeopleMeet.com

According to NewsOne, a Memphis minister who was arrested and charged last year with criminal exposure to HIV for knowingly infecting a woman he had relations with was caught trying to look for love on BlackPeopleMeet.com recently.

Pastor Rodney Carr, 47, tested positive for HIV in 2005, but after dating a MARRIED woman in 2010 and 2011, he reportedly infected her with the virus since he didn’t divulge information about his sexual health to her. The woman found out she had HIV when she went for a routine visit to her gynecologist. According to NewsOne, she said that she trusted Pastor Carr and didn’t think he would do such a thing because he is a minister…despite the fact that he was already living foul by having an affair with her.

Although Carr isn’t in jail and is free to try to mack online, he’s still being prosecuted for his crime. At a recent court appearance, he claimed that he didn’t knowingly try to infect the married woman, but if he’s found guilty he could at the least face a $500 fine, and at the most, face two years in prison. According to the Inquisitr, under the profile Minterwonderful, Pastor Carr was trying to make love connections on the popular black dating site, BlackPeopleMeet. The married woman he infected heard about his antics and basically said to NewsOne that after what he put her through, trying to connect with other people on the site is deplorable.

–         to read the whole story, go to: http://madamenoire.com/311465/pastor-rodney-carr-caught-on-dating-site-after-spreading-hiv/ahiv

JOC’S THOUGHTS…..

 This is almost too ridiculous to address, but unfortunately stuff like this goes on EVERY SINGLE DAY! 

After doing an interview with HIV/AIDS activist Hydeia Broadbent earlier this year (read it here http://www.weenonline.org/blog-article.php?id=276 ), I felt compelled to do a little digging into the stats in the African American community. I WAS SHOCKED at the numbers I found! Mess like this goes on in the black community primarily because we simply don’t take good care of ourselves when it comes to sexual health. 

END OF STORY. 

Mind you, certain diseases like HIV/AIDS can be transferred through needles, etc; but a lot of folk in the African American and Latino community get it via sexual activity. A lot of you might ask “why” since we clearly have PSA’s and learn in school how to stay safe by remaining abstinent/celibate or getting tested and using protection.

 FACT #1 – A lot of black people (especially young black people) feel ‘trusting’ enough to sleep with a partner without protection. THIS NEEDS TO STOP! A lot of us will say in public that ‘heck yeah I use protection’ but when it comes down to it, we’re lying. A lot of young folk don’t even know WHAT they’re doing let alone know how to use a condom! I’m telling you beautiful black people, if someone is “in the mood” – a lot tends to slip the mind if you let it. I personally agree with waiting until marriage, but I’d also be a dummy if I believed that everyone in the world thought as I did. SO if you are sexually active, you are not lame or ruining the mood if you stop to use some protection. I’m pretty sure you’d rather be uncomfortable for a few seconds than live your entire life with something you can’t get rid of. 

FACT #2 – Tons of black people don’t get tested regularly like they should. Don’t be stupid and play Russian Roulette with your health folks. There are a lot of diseases and virus that can not only spread through having sex with someone, but also doing ‘other stuff’. Every time you sleep with someone you need to be scheduling your next doctor’s appointment as soon as you finish basking in that afterglow! I AM SO SERIOUS! Why sit there and wonder if you have something or not. Even worse, why think “ok, I’m not sick, I don’t feel bad, I haven’t gotten anything yet” – the HIV/AIDS virus can live in your body for YEARS without a symptom until one day BAM, something can set it off. Even better, if you know you’re simply not going to wait until marriage and decide to sleep with your significant other, it’s best to get tested before you two even do something the first time just to make sure. If you’ve never slept with them before, you don’t know them. You don’t know who they’ve been with. They could be lying right TO your face. 

FACT #3 – Lies and Stigma are causing damage in the black community! The very reason the pastor in this article is even in his situation is because he lied. Point, blank anddddd a period. In addition to participating in adultery, he kept his HIV/AIDS status on the hush hush. He essentially took that woman’s right to choose away from her. Straight up swiped it! Black people are probably the guiltiest of doing this when it comes to sex. If you have HIV/AIDS or some other disease, TELL THE OTHER PERSON! Regardless of how you got it, you owe it to the other person to tell them the truth and let them make their own decision on whether they want to sleep with you or not. I know people can be born with HIV/AIDS and some other stuff and it’s not their fault, but they’d still owe it to their partners to be honest. If you have any intentions of being with this person in the long run, WHY would you keep something like this from them? If they reject you, OH WELL! Yeah it’ll probably be a bummer, but the guilt of exposing them to something horrible will eat at you more (if you have a conscience). If you’re just trying to kick it no strings attached, you need to STILL TELL THE OTHER PERSON; especially if you contracted the virus due to YOUR promiscuity. YOU put yourself in that position – you have to deal with the consequences of it. Now if you got a diseasee because you were raped or were born to a mother with HIV/AIDS, I understand…. you can’t help that – but honestly (and I’m being totally honest right now) if I was dating a guy and as we were talking about marriage he told me he had HIV/AIDS; I would leave my heart open. Yeah I’d probably go a little numb at first, but then I would evaluate how much I love this man and honestly give some thought to continuing a life with him. Now mind you, I may end up breaking things off with him to protect MY health, but I would at least research the disease and give him a chance. I can respect a man more for being honest, than hiding something so serious from me. Stigma, lack of education, and lies will brew up situations like in this article. Stuff happens. People make mistakes. But don’t be a person who makes others pay for your tragedies. 

Ok that’s the end of my thoughts on this. I just wanted to get the point out that we need to do better as a community. There is nothing wrong with doing a little extra work to make sure that YOU stay happy and healthy.

ahiv

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Monkey See Monkey Do? — Are [We] Setting Ourselves Up?

Once again, before you read the below statement know that it is not my own. I do however agree with the stance the author of the statement is taking. We are going to joke [as black people] about certain things…a joke is a joke right?? BUT (whether we deem if fair or not) we need to be careful as a people of WHERE and WHEN we display those jokes.

To me, it’s SIMILAR to a scenario where a parent curses, drinks and uses foul language around their kid, but spanks and beats the heck out of them when they do it. MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO. There is a time and a place to do and say things. SO when we as a people make jokes and vent on social media where our white, etc followers can see ; you run the risk of the racial lines being blurred and them being confused as to ‘what is too far’. AND yes, in all fairness that is OUR page to do as we please, but a fact of the world we live in is that we have to be careful of our actions at all times.

NOW….check out this statement via Chris Allen…

Trayvon Martin’s friend, Rachel Jeantel, was mocked and ridiculed yesterday via social media, and from what I could see, 99% of it was from her own race. She’s only 19 years old, under more pressure than any of us could imagine, and was involved in a tragic situation of being the last to talk to her friend who was killed shortly thereafter. Instead of embracing her, we make jokes about her weight, her public speaking, and of ALL things….her color.

We can’t hold white people to a higher standard of respecting black people than we hold ourselves. We can’t punish them for hating us and “holding us back” while leading by example and showing them how it’s done. There’s by FAR more black people that hate black people than there are white people who hate black people. We show it by the self-hatred we project on those like Rachel Jeantel in times like these.

But this isn’t new. We did the same with Gabby Douglas when her “ponytail was undone” as she won gold medals. Remember?

I’m not saying I ever excuse the acts of racist people vs. blacks. I just want us all to be aware that we’re DARING them to do the very thing we are DEMONSTRATING.

The worst thing about all this is, those that need to hear this message, probably won’t.

– Chris Allen (endorsed)

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Black Women Are Spending Too Much Time Going to School & Not Enough Trying to Get Married – My Response

This morning one of my friends from back in college sent me a link to this article: Black Women are Spending Too Much Time and Effort Going to School, They Should Be Spending That Time Trying to Get Married –  by Jamila Akil

READ THE ARTICLE ( http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/black-women-spending-time-effort-school-spending-time-married/ )then come back here and read my response.

 This is my response: 

As a single, black, educated woman in her mid twenties I was immediately aroused by the title of this article. 

The main points (that I feel) the author seems to be making are: 

  1. Although more black women are enrolling in college, they are second to last (before black men) in college completion rates. 
  2. Some black women seek numerous degrees to compensate for not being married 
  3. Earning a bachelors is beneficial to black women because it helps them earn more, lower unemployment rates, and learn networking skills. 
  4. Black women seeking miscellaneous graduate degrees later in life won’t boost their chances of being promoted where they are currently employed. It only places them deeper in debt and working harder to catch up. 
  5. [According to some reports] the people drowning in debt are either single parents or people who had gone back to school later in life to obtain another degree. Message to black women: chasing degrees < chasing a husband & a family life 
  6. Instead of focusing on finding a husband who can share the responsibilities of raising children and managing finances, black women chase degree after degree in hopes to reach financial freedom on their own. 

Point #1 – Haven’t done much research on this but from witnessing this happen to many of my friends who got pregnant or fell on hard times and couldn’t pay tuition; I can see how this may be accurate. By including this info the author is basically trying to say by enrolling in college and not completing, you’re still responsible for paying back loans, etc; so don’t enroll if you’re not serious or don’t have a clue of what you want to do with your degree. I can somewhat agree with this because while yes, traditional college/university is not for everyone (ie/ some musicians, factory workers, etc) not everyone knows what they want to do when they step onto that campus. Shoot, I can vouch! I was dead set on pursuing a medical degree since the 7th grade and that lasted until my first semester of college when I nearly flunked out by taking Chemistry, Biology, and 2 Chem Labs when I passed Advanced Placement Bio with a C in high school. Via electives and some good soul searching, I changed my entire pathway by the end of my sophomore year; just in time to get into my core classes. This point could be worded differently as not to generalize the issue.

Point #2 – I think it’s very fair to say that this point is valid. I know PLENTY of women who throw themselves into their work to compensate for being single. Unfortunately, even I teeter on the verge of being one of those women. I was able to get out of a terribly draining relationship about 3 years ago, and to keep myself from dating again too quickly, I decided to go into overdrive towards working on accomplishing my life goals. After all, you can do more while you’re single than you could EVER do married/in a relationship; reason being, you only have yourself to answer to and don’t have to take anyone else’s feelings or schedule into account. Now 3 years later, I find that while I am making progress in my career, I am SO busy I find it hard to find time to spend time with family and friends…let alone get back out on the DATING CIRCUIT! I understand that if you’re not married, you have NO CHOICE but to support yourself, but the key thing is to not get so career oriented that you feel like you ‘don’t need a man’. PSST you are lying to yourself and to God if you say you don’t NEED a man. We are designed as women to be one with man and men with women. The only one who obtained perfection being single was Jesus Christ the Savior and regardless if you are of the Christian faith or not, it’s evident to see when you look around that humans need one another in some way or another. Regardless if it’s the bus driver to driving your kids to school or the bathroom of the attendant cleaning up the restroom in a swanky restaurant, or even the electrical guy who operates the traffic lights in your city…WE NEED ONE ANOTHER. So for anyone to live, let alone a woman, as if they don’t need a soul; that’s bologna – defiant, oblivious, stale, moldy bologna. Work because that’s what you love to do; not because you’re trying to fill some other void. It won’t work.

Point #3 – Like I stated before, a college degree is not for everyone; however, I do feel that everyone deserves the right to have the college EXPERIENCE. There is no other place on earth like college where you have the opportunity to interact and work with people from varied backgrounds. The jocks, the Goths, the poetry kids, the ‘artsy creatives’, the sluts, the Greeks, the Afro-Centrics, the nerds, the kids of mixed raced and other ethnicities – you’ll meet some of EVERYBODY in college. If you only interacted with all black kids or all white kids or kids who lived in your neighborhood; the college experience forces you to get out there and shake it up a bit. This point is valid. College can enhance a black woman’s appeal. Professionally and romantically.

Point #4 – This point is not so black-and-white. Once again, it depends on a woman’s particular situation. If you’re a high school math teacher with 15 years of experience and your boss tells you that in order to become state certified or become an administrator you have to have your maters; then by golly you need to invest the money and get that degree! Ideally, the salary you will make once you’re promoted will end up paying you back the money you invested in school. The same goes for those who want to be surgeons. If you’re an RN, and want to become a surgical physician; you’ll need more schooling to get that extra pay rate. Now if you are a single mother of 2 working in HR at a bank, and currently paying back the $120,000 in loans you owe for your BA in Business, chances are a masters degree in Psychology with a concentration in Political Science is not going to help you get closer to that promotion to Chief HR Officer you so badly desire. Hard work ON THE JOB and networking will most likely land you that promotion before any degree will. Before going after a degree black women in particular need to think; will this really help me in the long run. If it’s not, you’ll basically be breaking your back and sacrificing potentially meeting the husband you’ve dreamt of all because you’re too tired to date juggling school, a job, kids, and trying to hustle back all of those additional accrued loans.

Point #5 – I can’t really speak on this point because everyone has whatever debt they have because of different reasons. Some people in these positions mentioned in the articles are actually debt free and have no problem getting out of debt; while some are just gargling above water. But as a single black woman myself; I do find myself weighing out what type of life I want to have. I call myself a “traditional progressive”. While I am all for women’s rights and independence, I have the deep desire to be somewhat of a traditional wife and mother. I have no problem with my husband making more than I do – I actually WANT to marry a man who brings home more than I do. To me, that will give me more time to take care of my home and wifely duties when I get home from working and I don’t have to depend on a nanny most times to take care of my kids. I want to be present as much as possible for my kids. I don’t want my assistant calling me telling me they took their first steps or have them come to me at age 30 asking me why wasn’t I there more. I want to have a career but will eventually lay it down when it comes to my family. I plan to work now while I’m single so that when I do settle down and get married; I don’t have to work as hard outside the home and take care of my family with minimal distractions.

AND FINALLY…

Point #6 – I agree. This ties into her to the other points surrounding this similar message. There are some women who chase degree after degree in order to feel accomplished or to garner the ‘oohs’, ‘ahhhs’, and admiration of their peers. At the end of the day, a straight man doesn’t want to marry another man; he wants to feel needed, necessary, wanted. I’m not going to get into whether you as a black woman need ‘his’ money or need ‘him’ to kill spiders, or need ‘him’ to cut your grass; the point is, you need to let ‘him’ like you do sometimes. If you spend your time stacking all of these degrees on your mantle some men will be intimidated and immediately shut down any attempt to get court you. Some women, ESPECIALLY black, degree holding women, don’t understand this but I’ve had enough discussions and have listened in on enough panels to know that this is the way it is. Think about it this way: 

Guy:

Extremely attractive, holds a BA in Hospitality Management, spiritually mature, funny, caring, has one kid, and manages your local Best Western. 

You:

Attractive (hopefully haha), hold a BS in Political Science with a minor in Ethnic Studies, Masters in Political Science with a concentration in Finance, you’re currently going to school for yet another degree while you simultaneously work for Bank of America Corporate (doing whatever) and have no kids. 

Poor guy would have to have nerves of steel to get past any hesitation that creeps up as hearing what you do. You’re thinking, ok, this is a pretty nice guy whose working his way up…but he’s thinking, here’s a woman who is accomplished and makes way more than me; I’m just gonna leave that alone. I’m not saying that that any secondary degree you hold is invalid, but come on, unless you’re working on becoming the CEO or COO of your company what are you taking out loans and busting your butt for? Richard Branson never completed high school and he is the CEO/Founder/Creator of Virgin – which over the years has expanded into the communications market, music industry, and transportation market. 

To round my thoughts out and to a close, if you are a black woman in your 20s or older, I would encourage you to save this article to your FAVORITES tab or print it out and keep it in a notebook or drawer. Shoot, if you’re in high school and you can comprehend and appreciate this article I’d suggest that YOU do the same as well! It’s never to early to get a head start on your life. Learn from the prior generation so that you don’t have to make the same mistakes or missteps that [we] have.

Ps. Thanks Keesh and Ash for sharing this! You guys are so classy! ❤ 

– Joc

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