Today on Facebook my right hand man Rich posed this statement to all of the ladies in FacebookLand:
“I’ll never understand why smart women fall for losers…”
Well my good man, I will tell you why.
Being an intelligent woman myself I can share as to why I ( and some of my book smart sisters) have dated some of the unfavorable characters that we have. To be honest, there are tons of reasons I could give…but we don’t have that much time; so I’ll just list a few.
Reason #1 – We think they’re on our level. Not to sound all high and mighty but it’s the truth! There have been countless times where intelligent and accomplished women have been deceived by ‘sheep in wolf’s clothing’. You know the guy who ‘appears’ to have solid goals, one who ‘appears’ to support your dreams, one who ‘appears’ to be thoughtful, faithful, and loving?? Yeah these type of guys are pretty slick and often times weasel their way into our lives. By the time most of us figure out what’s going on, we’re slacking off at work, almost near broke, and distanced from the people who care about us. Straight up bustas!
Reason #2 – We want to date “out of the box”. Hey, it might sound silly but it’s true in some cases. Being a woman of substance, most of the guys who can carry on intelligent conversations and have their lives together can sometimes seem – lackluster to some women. For lack of better words….boring. I know guys are like “well why in the heck would you pass up someone you KNOW is on the right track for someone who may be an axe murderer in the making?!” The honest answer: they are too predictable. Though I personally don’t feel this way, I’ve had these thoughts before in my college years. On one hand you know you need the stability, but you want to be excited, surprised; and sometimes men who have themselves together are more…organized. (just think if Logan Killicks in Their Eyes Were Watching God) In the end it comes back to bite, but oh what a ride!
Reason #3 – We’ve been hurt so much in the past, we lower our standards. Lord WHERE oh WHERE is a choir when you need it! I have definitely been guilty of this in the past. This is mainly why I’m so excited for ‘Being Mary Jane’ to premiere next month, I can tell just from the first episode that this will clearly illuminate why successful women make bad choices in the romance department. Listen, after dating a few ‘unfavorables’, sometimes a gal is just plum ti’d…not tired but ti’d. You hope to find a suitable mate BEFORE your career takes over your life or try your best to beat your ever ticking biological clock – so you sometimes find yourself scrambling for some man…ANY man who at least resembles the type of man you know you need. Sometimes it’s like “first come first serve” – the first seemingly decent guy that comes your way, you pick that one and hold on for dear life! Sad yet true.
Reason #4 – We’re blinded by the physical appearance. THAT’S IT…I SAID IT…there are plenty of intelligent women who have been mesmerized by the good looking brothers out there. You know they’re bad for you. You know they aren’t worth two pennies; but you’re still with them. Maybe they’re abusive or no good, lazy bums (apologies but it had to be said); but you pray and hope that they’ll change. You can’t help but visualize him on your arm at a networking event, or at your high school reunion, or the presidential inaugural ball. (hey, it can happen **shrugs**) Those visions of naïveté convince you to stay when you really need to be running the other way quickly!
Reason #5 – He looks good on paper so we don’t question his motives. He’s moving up the ladder at his company. He has a secure retirement fund set aside for the future. He adores his sister’s kids and treats them like his own. Oh and his MAMA…if he treats her any less than a queen, he’ll whoop his OWN behind! The guy you’re with is heaven on earth….until you really get to know him. You find out that the only reason he’s moving up in his company so fast is because he’s swindling his colleagues and laundering money. The retirement fund he claims to have is virtually non existent because it’s actually in his dad’s name, but since they have the same name, short circuits the system. He really hates kids, but puts up with them for appearances. And the reason he’s so nice to his mom is because he’s hoping she’ll die off soon and leave him a huge inheritance and her house. A lot of the ‘good guys’ may think, “How can you NOT know these things”, but hey, if you watched ‘Think Like A Man’, the explanation is all in Taraji P. Henson’s character. She thought a CEO, big balling cat was what she needed because on paper, they were a match. But we all know how that ended. (if not, go see the movie!)
Reason #6 – We’ve been told we’re too picky and to let our guard down. I cannot adequately express how ANNOYING it is to be told this! I’ve heard it all from guys and girls! “Oh you think you too good?!”….. “Girl you need to stop being so particular, you gotta give somewhere.”…. “You must want a dude w/a 6 figure salary. That’ ain’t real life”….. or how about this one, “That’s why you single now, stop acting like you got it altogether and relax.” If you are an intelligent or successful lady who’s never heard some variation of these phrases, then you’re not really successful. lol But what do we do after years of hearing this hoopla?? Anyone? Anyone??! EXACTLY…we settle for the apples on the bottom of the tree. We’re tired of convincing people we’re not picky so we just pick SOMEBODY! Most of the time that somebody is a loser. THEN we’ll start hearing about how “we need to do better”. But hey, you can’t call us picky any more.
Reason #7 – Our careers and accomplishments don’t keep us warm at night. What you have to understand is when it comes down to a woman and her future…accomplishments don’t mean jack if it means she’s alone for the rest of her life. Fantasia Barrino is a perfect example. She was one of the most successful winners of American Idol. She had a challenging upbringing but ended up making bank without knowing how to fluently read and with a young daughter to take care of. YET…she ended up hooking up with a guy who was separated from his wife, but at the end of the day still married. You would think “girl, you’ve got all that money and all that fame, what is WRONG with you child?!” – but I know exactly why she felt that way…she was lonely. All of those accomplishments that pushed her towards the top, pushed her out by herself. She probably felt she couldn’t trust guys or even had time to date; so when she walked up in that Verizon store she was sold. She ignored the red flags waving so proudly everywhere because she just wanted SOMEONE to have. I’ve done this once in my life but once I got right with God and realized that dating out of loneliness is relationship suicide…I quickly changed. But there are women who seem to have everything going for them, yet go home and sulk because they don’t have the love that even the hoodrat chicks seem to be able to find. It’s not rational, but it’s the truth.
Though I can go on and on and on – I won’t. My fingers need to get ready to head back to the office and I don’t feel like making you scroll down a never ending post. So guys…know that these aren’t excuses for smart women making stupid decisions in men, but they are reasons.
Let me know how you feel in the comments section!