For the past two weeks my mom has been going through various ailments, aches, and pains. She’s tried to shake it but sometimes things just take time. Well yesterday I walked in my parents’ house to find my dad beckoning my mom to ‘come here for a hug’. No big deal, it was sweet. But as I turned the corner to put my stuff down I heard a little chatter and peeked back around, realizing that my dad was praying for her.
I have jokingly said it for years, but it’s so true: my parents are a major reason why I’m unmarried now. Not the only (because we gotta own up to our own bad decisions amen?!) but a major reason. Dating and being in a relationship these days seem lightyears away from even how it was 10 years ago. Having these two as my first examples of what love looks like set the bar! It’s beautiful and disheartening all in the same breath. In a perfect world I would ‘ve been married YESTERDAY, but I’m still here waiting to meet/realize my person.
Over time, my parents’ marriage has helped me understand that while marriage is work, it doesn’t have to be (and shouldn’t be) a struggle.
Gotta pause to let that sink in.
My dad didn’t grow up with his biological father in the house, yet he CHOSE to dig into the good examples he saw in his community and make the decision within himself to be a great husband. My mom came from a household where everything her mom did was inside the home, yet, she found a way to juggle a full-time career and still be there for her husband and kid! At this point, my parents have been together longer than they haven’t and to see how sensitive my dad was to her last night was so inspiring. It was seemingly out of nowhere but I know better than that. This man knows his wife, probably better than anyone, and without her saying anything was able to know she just needed a hug. He took it a step further and chose to be the leader he is and pray for her. Sure, he has no clue how she’s been feeling verbatim, but it didn’t matter. This showed me that while I’m sure neither of them pictured each other when they were younger, dreaming about adulthood, they realized over the years that they are with who it is they needed to be with! They not only have chemistry and are compatible…they are aligned! Their God given purposes feed into one another and it’s beautiful to see on the back end how what started in college, has now panned out!
If you’re reading this and you’re still trying to connect with and realize your future spouse, let this be your sign to not settle. This is not a sign to be unreasonable and shallow – but on the core values – don’t settle. It’s not enough to just have chemistry with someone. It’s not enough to just be compatible with someone. It’s not enough to just be aligned with someone. You two have to be able to live out all three! You deserve someone who doesn’t hurt you intentionally and still apologizes because they hate seeing you hurt. You deserve someone who knows you in ways that no one else does. You deserve someone who can pray for you without even having to ask them. You deserve someone who gives you peace and safety from this crazy chaotic world. You deserve someone who doesn’t sabotage your life goals because they never believed in you from the jump. Woman, you deserve a man to not negate what you bring to the table because of something he heard on a podcast. Men, you deserve a woman who will not fight you on everything because ‘that’s just who she is’.
For those of us who have put in the work to self-develop, grow from toxic behaviors, heal from past traumas, learn new skills, and prep for our future – we deserve the godly, amazing, spouse who’s destined for us. Hold on. Don’t give in. Don’t settle. Stay strong.
- Joc
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